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it's already the final day of the year! everything flew by so fast... so now that it's new year's eve, i just had to push myself to make one more giant wall of text before the year is over. i've been so busy and mentally checked out from the holiday rush that i've been neglecting messages, and even sitting down to write a blog takes hours, which is more than i've been able to spare lately. i don't remember the last time i stayed home all day... and you know what, i actually don't mind it. even on days i stay home, i still need to at least go outside and ride my bike or take a walk or i get too restless.
the last time i posted, i was waiting to celebrate my anniversary. it was wonderful! at the time, he was back down to one car for the family (again), so we had to wait until the evening to go anywhere. i threw on a simple sugary carnival coordinate and we went to the fancy outdoor mall in our city. we got crepes, walked around, and bought a couple of books. what caught my eye immediately was a single copy of "i'm a terminal cancer patient, but i'm fine" by mangaka hilnama. "i want this one," i said as as i handed it to him. and that night i read it and cried my eyes out. my grandma died from same cancer as her. if you can handle something so heavy, i highly recommend it. it made me laugh as much as it made me cry.
dinner on our anniversary was korean bbq! we got our usual spread, bulgogi and tonkatsu, plus i was encouraged to order some kimchi jigae. we had sooo much leftover!! i barely got to touch my soup before i got too full to eat anymore. we ended the evening going to the arcade, using some our credits to use the new photo booth they had. wheh the frame choices are bleach, the arcade brand, or naruto, you go with narootie!!! believe it!!!
thanksgiving was wonderful too! i always look forward to eating, heheh. we wanted to watch addams family values, aka the best thanksgiving movie but seemingly no streaming services had it, so we ended up watching a low quality free site version. this is why physical media is king! i even own it too, but there was simply no dvd player hooked up in the den.
december 6th was winter international lolita day! my comm had a small tea party, but tickets were limited and i was saving money anyway, so i invited a friend out instead. we went shopping (i bought a couple of books for myself), ate at shake shack (it was my first time going! it was really good), and of course made a stop at the arcade, where we both won absolutely nothing. it was so much fun! her husband was with us too which made for some very interesting and hilarious banter. their dynamic is so cute lmao, i love them. i even got to show off my travis drawings while i did my daily doodle, heheh. we ended the day getting some pkmn drinks at kung fu tea because they were having a special collab. i was a little disappointed though because i ordered the prism tower punch, which was deliciously refreshing and i love the crisp aloe jelly as a sinker, but they were out of totodile cups... at least our drinks still had pikachu on them.
the week after ild, i was getting as much done as i could before flying out to see mi gansita in boston! originally, we were supposed to see another friend too, but she wasn't able to join us (if you see this c, i miss you and i hope you and your family are doing ok). it was so surreal! 5 years of friendship, yet that was our first time meeting in person. when she came to scoop me up, i lifted her and swung her around in a circle, i was that happy to see her!! i arrived later in the evening, so we didn't have time to do anything other than chat for a bit before going to bed. i'm grateful we're both the type to wake up early, so i feel like our schedules aligned pretty well!
the next morning we left early to go to the aquarium, which she gets free tickets to thanks to her job. the aquarium is always one of the first places i like to hit up when i go anywhere new. if a city i'm visiting has an aquarium, it's always a MUST SEE for me!! it was gorgeous, they even had a couple of giant sea turtles and some pengiuns!! i've never seen rockhopper pengiuns in person before, they're sooo cute. after our meal at the aquarium café, we had to leave to catch our show; my friend booked us tickets to see the nutcracker! i was SO excited, of course i've seen the nutcracker a couple of times in my city, but getting to catch the boston ballet's nutcracker was so lucky!!
i'll never forget it for as long as i live, especially with that iconic bear that's exclusive to the boston ballet. after the show i decided to get a souvenir ornament to remember him. i totally misread the price board... i thought he was $30, but he was actually way more expensive than that. still, i don't regret it! it was my little treasure to to celebrate a memory as precious as getting to see the nutcracker with my friend. the theater was soooo beautiful, i really would have loved to get more pictures but the crowds were large and staff were trying to get everyone out after the show.
after the ballet, we went to a cute little café and got some hot chocolate. it was so rich and delicious! it was 60% dark chocolate, so it wasn't sweet enough for my friend, but i liked it a lot. she did have to help me with mine though... i'm used to sharing all my food and drinks, so it can be a challenge sometimes to put away a whole meal or drink on my own. the days are short in the winter, so the sun was already setting as we made our way to the boston common, a big park with lots to see. they had a big christmas tree set up, lots of interesting statues, ice skating (we didn't go!), and lots of cute dogs. the day was ended with ice cream from j.p. licks the most delicious chicken sandwich i've ever had. perfect dinner to top off my first full day in boston!
day two was more relaxed since we didn't have anything scheduled like the previous day with the ballet. my friend took me to a local place she went to all the time in school, and man. no kidding, best breakfast bagel i've ever had. i honestly think i could only have that for my meal and be good for the entire day, that's how incredibly hearty it was. sooo good! i'm still dreaming about that bagel now...
after breakfast, we decided to go to the isabella stewart gardner museum. art museums are always a must see for me as well, but as soon as i saw the pictures during my research, i knew this was the one i wanted to see the most. you know, that green area is actually all indoors! i was surprised when i saw it. it was beautiful, as was the rest of the collection the museum had. i realized something... all rich people did back in the day was import whatever caught their fancy just to flaunt their wealth right? now we do the same thing, it's just way more accessible thanks to advancements in travel. humans really do never change, lol. walking through the area fenway park is at, we stopped by an ice cream shop called van leeuwen and it was AMAZING!! i got a scoop of their sicilian pistachio with warm and gooey caramel on top and it was the bomb. i really wanted a second scoop on top of their black cherry chip flavor, but i was barely able to finish my single since i was still satisfied from breakfast. apparently they sell pints of van leeuwen ice cream at whole foods, so fingers crossed i can get a pint! ahhh i love ice cream... i'm glad my friend is on the same wavelength with me there, lmao.
following our ice cream run was a shopping spree; this was definitely where most of my money went... we even found a shop with love and deepspace merch!! i allowed myself to buy one piece of merch and it's probably my favorite thing i bought on the trip besides my ornament, a thick acrylic id for xavier. sorry sylus... i could only pick one piece of merch and that guaranteed xavier was coming home with me, especially since the id i bought was the last one left. with our shopping bags in tow, we made one more stop at the boston public library which was absolutely stunning! i wish we had gotten there earlier for photos, but it was still wonderful to see in person.
finally, it was time for my last dinner of my trip! the first two days i had chicken for dinner, so i ruled out having it a third time, as much as i love my poultry. we went to a restaurant that has the same owner as the previous day's dinner, a new orleans themed restaurant called buttermilk and bourbon. our plan was to get cookies after dinner, so i had to be smart with what i ordered... let me tell you though, those fries were amazing. the cookies? also amazing! i want another banana cream pie cookie...
my flight was early, so my friend was kind enough to drive me to the bus station to catch my flight at 5am. everything worked out perfectly! there was a delay in leaving since the plane needed to be de-iced, but i didn't mind at all. getting to see the snow gently falling and covering everything was the best ending i ever could have asked for on my trip. i watched outside, mesmerized... i know it's just snow, but it's such a rare treat for me. i love winter!! the whole time i was even worried i wouldn't be warm enough, but i ended up shedding my layers half the time and didn't even use one of my jackets entirely. i'll know for next time! though i think next time, i should visit when it's warmer, that's what mama de gansita said anyway. she was so sweet... i'm so, so grateful to her and her family for letting me stay and for having such an unforgettable trip.
it's funny, it took me over 20 years to be able to leave texas and over 25 to leave the country, but i traveled more this year than i ever have! i went to seattle, atlanta, and now boston! i love traveling. just like my mom, we both have wanderlust but our circumstances leave us stranded in this godforsaken state, in this godforsaken city... i'm joking, but also kind of not, lmao.
to be honest, coming home was a bit disappointing... the house was filthy when i got back. i wasn't surprised at all, but it did leave me in a bit of despair. i slept in the next day dreading getting up, knowing it meant i had my work cut out for me. lucky for me, my mom came to my rescue!! she came over because she came to check on my sister, who was recovering from food poisoning. "i've never seen the house this dirty. you really are the only one who cleans" she remarked as she gathered the cleaning supplies for us to get to work. my grandpa helps here and there, but quite honestly he makes more mess than he cleans up hahaha, and my sister? forget it. i stopped cleaning her room at all considering it would get torn up the next time she came home, and i would never even get a thank you...
i try not to complain too much since i really love living here, but it does drive me a little insane sometimes. i'm so glad i never want kids, because i know i could not be a housewife and i know the constant pressure and responsibility would be enough make me snap and end it all. i even felt myself reaching my limit through all the holiday plans with parties, cards, gifts, and cleaning and work combined. still, it was a december to remember and a big blessing!
for christmas, i got a record player!! it's a cute sunset orange color, i can't wait to decorate it! i already listened to a couple of records on it. he got me four to start off with; the cowboy bebop ost (it doesn't have the real folk blues on it for some reason though!), neutral milk hotel's in the aeroplane over the sea (my favorite band when i was 15!), ozzy's no more tears, and gorillaz's plastic beach. starting off strong! i don't have a lot of cds, so i'm really happy i'll be able to also start collecting my favorite albums this way, the quality is so good. the player works as a bluetooth speaker too, which is a nice bonus!
now i'll be perfectly equipped for those times i need to take advantage of being home alone and clean the house. let's see... i also got some ozzy related things, and some acrylic markers and some new sketchbooks!! i'm SO excited to try them, you have no idea. i had asked for more alcohol markers since sadly mine are starting to dry out, but i'll happily take these! they're so... juicy and pigmented, lol. i have no idea what i want to draw first, not yet anyway.
last night i went to see the nutcracker a second time! this time i organized a meet with my local comm. it was a small meet, there were only 8 of us, and 2 of the girls ended up not being able to make it at all! lowkey, it was a disaster meet because of this combined with various other things, but i had a really good time and i hope everyone else did too. i didn't cry during the pas de deux like i usually do, so i'll count that as a victory! we grabbed a bite to eat before and after the show, at paris baguette bakery (my beloved) and applebee's respectfully. oh yeah, i was originally going to wear matryoshka doll last night, but i switched to toy parade because i was supposed to twin with a friend, who ended up not being able to make it to the show at all because of work... so today, i HAVE TO go out one last time!
i only had one 2025 resolution, and it was to wear every main piece in my closet at least once. my closet is small, i only have 19 main pieces now after selling off a couple of ops, 20 if you count the teeny tiny mam mini skirt i have. so 4 skirts, 1 coat, 6 ops, and 9 jsks! next time i want to challenge myself to wear EVERY piece in my closet at least once, but i don't have it in me to do that next year. maybe the year after? anyway, it was a fun resolution and i'm really happy to be almost done with it! i might not have pictures of every coordinate i did though, i'll have to go through my photos and see if i can post them all here or make a collage. speaking of photos, i'm actually in the process of uploading everything to my dropbox now... i finally hit not enough space to update love and deepspace, so i'm backing everything up and i'll have to wipe all of the pictures on my phone to (hopefully) make enough room.
infold, this is ridiculous. there is ZERO reason for the game to be this huge or for the game to update the way it does. it's not even an open world game, yet it's bigger than genshit. get your shit together and optimize the game. i wouldn't even be able to download it on my ipad either as it only has 64 gb of space... if i end up having to upgrade my phone, this damn game will be the cause. i still need a new pc first though! little known fact, tsubaki actually makes a horrible noise when she goes cold, so i usually have to keep her on to avoid it. i don't know why, i think it's her psu fan making the noise. she's been doing this for 5 years now and it does nothing except annoy me at this point. my old lady... you've served me well these past 11 years.
it wouldn't be a new year's eve post without some reflection, right? so much happened this year... there were bad times and unpleasant surprises of course, but i think overall i had a really amazing year filled with 1st times. i feel like everything i do is so delayed. i found myself saying "i've never x before" while experiencing something SO MANY TIMES this year! i think what helped me a lot was letting go of expectations of a new year. time is an illusion anyway, right? we can change ourselves anytime, we don't need a "new year" to accomplish it, although it does feel nice and organizes events in a way that makes sense to our brains.
i drew a lot (for me anyway, as someone who used to draw so little i couldn't even fill a whole calendar for the year), finished my first year of posting on dad, made my dream sticker set, traveled, got to hang out and chat with all my friends, was in the best fanzine i've ever been in, and i didn't end the year with less than $100 in my bank account like i usually do! so i think that's a pretty big win. year of the snake, you were a challenge, but you were alright. we shed our skin and have a sense of renewal (good or bad), and now we're galloping fast into next year. happy new year everyone! i love you all.
i thought of some new year's resolutions already! i'm keeping it simple and manageable, but also making a list to challenge myself. here we go! 2026 resolutions:
as you can see, it's a pretty tall order for myself! i'm used to keeping my expectations and goals low. there are more important life goals i have of course, but i chose to keep my 2026 resolutions mostly hobby-oriented. i learned that vague resolutions like "do x more" for example don't do you any good... you have to make concrete goals with numbers for yourself in order to accomplish tasks in a satisfactory way.
reading the books is definitely going to be the biggest challenge! i have a lot of japanese books too, so reading those is going to be very slow... i actually might save those for last, because if i end up not being able to read them, i still read everything else and i have a LOT of unread books on my shelf. for the shelves, i think the biggest reason why i haven't fully unpacked despite us living here for 10 months already is because i'm dreading my kirby shelf. the kirby nendoroids are made of a soft vinyl/fake rubber material that gets ruined and sticky with humidity, and ALL of mine did. even waddle dee is sticky now. so i think the biggest problem is that mental hurdle i have with my kirby nendos... honestly i sometimes just think about throwing them all in the trash just because of how upsetting and a big workload it'll be to clean them, knowing they'll never be the same again.
i'll never recommend any of the kirby nendos or anything made with that material to anyone because of the material they're coated with, it's not built to last and it's not the normal type of sticky that figures get when they plasticize. doing that iris faceup is another thing i dread! i bought all the supplies, i think again it's the mental load of doing a faceup putting me off. first of all, the sealant is toxic, so i have to set up the respirator and make sure it fits on my face properly, and then do the faceup itself in layers and parts. that's definitely going to need a full day dedicated to it, and i just haven't had the mental capacity to deal with it even though i've owned her for nearly 2 years now. i'm glad i only have one doll! i don't think i'll be able to handle more than one bjd.
getting a new pc is something i probably could have done with the push of my tax return if i hadn't taken a trip to boston, but i don't regret it for a second. it's just that with my income, it's really difficult to save money... just one emergency or mistake will wipe my bank account and i'm forced start all over again.
then my art goals! i really wanted to make a full illustration for the rule of rose anniversary, but obviously merch making is what i'm stronger at. so i'm going to make a sticker set! i'm still trying to think about the theme, but i'm excited to make another labor or love that will make me very little money lmao. then, i want to make more ORIGINAL art this year. i've always been primarily a fanartist and drawing for other people, so my original work portfolio is pitiful... i think drawing for others is what gives my "empty" life meaning, so that's why i always end up prioritizing it over making something for myself. but next year i want to pad my works with more original pieces! one for every month, but really it doesn't matter when they're created, as long as i have 12 at the end of the year. i think i can do it!
finally, my site goals!! i miss my website SO much. i'm glad i can at least blog here to my heart's content, but i miss that little digital scrapbook, that piece of myself floating around the web. i know i can still look at my own neocities anytime i want, but it's more like a time capsule than anything. i'm still terrible at css and prefer simple pages modified from templates, but i want to revamp to the best of my ability. i've been slowly making assets, i just haven't had the time to start putting everything together. soon!! it was always a dream of mine to have my own personal website, and i'm ready, been ready to come back stronger than ever, this time with a more organized setup since i was completely clueless when i first started 2 years ago. let's go!!
this entry was more text heavy than anything! i didn't include many pictures, or i'd be here all day, and i really need to get going and ride my bike and get ready... so busy busy! keeping the mind off of those dark thoughts, i suppose. my first entry for next year will (hopefully) include all of my lolita fashion coordinates for the year, as well as some 2025 art highlight collages i did! in my usual manner, i want to make a new layout for 2026, but i might just stick with this simple one to make things easier on myself... even simple pages take me a long time to make!
today is my anniversary with my boyfriend! or should i say... annibearsary. i won't go into details, but i just feel incredibly blessed and grateful. it wouldn't be an exaggeration to say he's given me more support in the time we've been together than both of my parents have in my entire life, especially through those really low and dark times. i'm not sure what we're going to do today, but i'm looking forward to some good food!
angel's egg was incredible on the big screen!! to no surprise, the group i went with were met with confusion by the end. mwahaha, i tricked you all into watching it with me!! i have no regrets, i was absolutely enchanted the whole time. "you like weird things," one of my friends told me after the movie when we were discussing gdt films. she's not wrong!
just last week, a paris baguette bakery opened up near my work! i was really excited for it, and for a while i thought they had honestly abandoned the location considering the coming soon sign had been left up for over a year. but finally, everything got set into motion seemingly all at once, and they had their grand opening! i've already spent so much money there since they opened... together we've tried the curry croquette, the strawberry and peppermint mochinuts, the cheesecake and pumpkin cream tart (i especially recommend this one!), and three of the cakes: fig cream, biscoff cookie butter layer, and chocolate ganache! everything was absolutely incredible, and it was the first time i was ever driven to download a food app. i'm so happy that now there exists something like this near my work, where i can just pick up something delicious, affordable, quick, and savory.
speaking of food, my friendsgiving was also a huge success! my mom was pushing me to go more and more all out for it, but i met her in the middle. two of my friends came over early to make the turkey, and we spent about 5 hours in the kitchen cooking together! with everyone's help, dinner consisted of the turkey, mac and cheese, cornbread, katsudon, mashed potatoes, and dessert. kind of unconventional, but it was delicious and there were plenty of leftovers too! it was incredibly fun and rewarding to be a host, but also a lot of hard work. is it crazy i kind of want to do it again for a small christmas get together?
we also played a card game, trial by trolley. it's by cyanide and and happiness! good lord, remember those comics? that takes me back. we only had time for one round which was good because someone totally forgot to bring our copy of eels and escalators. we still haven't even opened it! i want a copy of pretty pretty princess too... the 90s version! oh, and since my friend had just got back from disney, she surprised me with a gift. she got me this adorable marie plush! oh my goodness, just look at her! her patitas are soooo cute. she's stomping around on my bed as i write this.
of course the cool weather didn't last long, we're already back to the mid 80s. the heat woke me up, so i got up to turn on the air and decided to finish a drawing i was working on... when i realized my apple pencil wasn't in my bag! i last used it on my way home when i was drawing on the bus and i do remember slipping it back in my bag, but it must have fallen out sometime in between then and my walk home. it probably went unnoticed by me because of the added bulk of my cardigan stuffed into my bag since it was too hot to wear it. i'm really bummed out... those things are expensive. because my ipad case doesn't have a place for the pencil, i always had this worry i was going to lose my pencil, and it's finally come true. i knew better. i really should keep all of my daily pens in a single pouch instead of in various pockets of my bag.
my grandpa also had some bad luck... he's saving up money for his car's insurance and registration renewal next month, and he forgot his wallet at the store. to no surprise, by the time he got it back, the money was all gone. i told him not to worry and that i would help him out, but it was such bad timing when i had just booked a flight to see my friend in boston next month, and my hours got cut at work. i'm excited for that of course! i'm just wondering if it was irresponsible of me to decide to go after all...
at least i got lucky in the gacha department i suppose. one of my favorite cards for xavier got a rerun, so i begrudgingly pulled... and got him in a couple of tries! it really made up for having to spend so much to get his 2024 birthday card. they had mercy on me. the same day, i found the lucky star in my pack of apollo chocolate!! it must have been a sign. plus, a recreation of one of the newer chiikawa pages. string cheese!!
it's funny, the other day i saw an ad for miniso and thought of asking a friend if she wanted to go, but i didn't want to "bother" her. we must have been on the same wavelength, because she asked me not long after! i dressed up a little bit and we went on our way. sadly, almost all the chiikawa stuff was gone! the front was replaced with their new mofusand collection which i will definitely not complain about, but i was hoping to get another chiikawa blind box. as much as i wanted a plush (who can resist how adorable they are?!), i really do have enough stuffed animals at home. instead i got myself a mofusand card holder for those nights my regular wallet is too bulky to carry, some socks and a pack of stickers.
after we finished shopping, we went to meet up with a big group of friends for hookah, but not before getting a delicious korean corn dog just next door. i haven't done hookah in geez, maybe 5 years now? it was nice! we just sat around chatting and we decorated cards and keychains too. here's what i wore that day!
something else i'm looking forward to is getting to see angel's egg in a couple of days!! it's getting a theatrical release for the first time in the us, but only for one day. i never thought this day would come honestly, but i'm glad for it. i don't know if my company is going to like the movie considering how experimental it is, but i think the gorgeous animation and atmosphere will make up for it. the fact that they used up nearly all the movie's dialogue for the trailer still tickles me.
the christmas tree right next to my work is up again! i waited excitedly as they spent a whole shift of mine setting it up. by the time i left for work, i thought they weren't done with the tree, but they actually were?! it's so different from last year's tree, i had to do a double take and go through my pictures to find the one they set up the year prior. it's a little sad! at least three people told me the comparison is so stark and a recession indicator, lmao. but the colors are nice and matching, and i love the ribbons and giant bells. maybe they needed a skinny legend tree because it's less obstructive? that's my theory anyway.
it's finally cool this week!! we still had days in the 90s, but today it's cold enough to wear layers. i'm actually waiting for the soup i'm making for my grandpa and i (caldo de res) to boil, so i figured i'd write a quick entry while that keeps cooking. i woke up early to walk to the store to buy the ingredients and a new pot since we lost ours in the move.
yesterday was my first day off in a few days, and i was so tired that i did... absolutely nothing!! i spent most of my day in bed sleeping and playing love and deepspace, but i still went out to ride my bike of course. quite recently i hit 100 affinity with xavier!!
now i'm working sylus up there too, it's a little harder considering xavier just plain has way more cards than he does. sylus seems to like me way more even though he got demoted to #2! i always seem to get his cards easily, while xavier always plays hard to get... it took me about 70 pulls to get both dragon myth cards and i just got a new 5 star of him last night too. i had been stockpiling these cards for a while, so i finally read them all last night, and they were great! ahh, i love tough guys who are soft for their girl... xavier may be my favorite, but there's no denying how sexy sylus is, lmao.
i can't believe akira yamaoka is coming back to my state!!! i haven't gotten my tickets quite just yet, but i'll be sure to snag them once i have the opportunity. i already requested the day off and am really looking forward to early march!! i guess mary elizabeth mcglynn won't be joining him? i know i'll enjoy myself either way... i still remember the way i watched them preform together at the silent hill concert, it was so sweet and intimate. it was the kind of performance that you'd only see between such close friends who have known each other a long time. it makes me feel a little better about finding out kirby air riders is only on switch 2... i don't want to spend so much money on an upgrade when i barely have time to play games as it is.
the other day at work, someone left this little unicorn on top of the register!! it must have been a good sign... i took her home and now she's sitting on top of my computer desk, next to the frame of iris my friend drew for me. she's sooo cute, but she doesn't have a tail! i'll have to sculpt her one. plus, bean is home! i hadn't seen her in nearly two weeks, or at least it felt like that long! i asked her, "bean, do you even remember me?" to which she promptly meowed back and didn't feel shy about taking my bed or my chair once more. she's such a diva!
today, i'm working on my new splash and also plan on working on my shelves and unpacking some more. isn't it crazy how long we've already lived here, yet i haven't fully decorated? my friends and i planned a friendsgiving together on the 23rd, so i really need to get it in gear and clean and decorate. my mom was so excited when i told her i was having friends over that she offered to help me too~
happy pocky day, by the way!! i picked up a box of strawberry pocky earlier while i was at the store (they were playing depeche mode! i feel like they actually play good music in the mornings), which i've opened already and have been sharing with travis plush, heheh.
i can finally feel myself emerging from the abyss. october went by so fast that i feel like i didn't even really get to enjoy it fully, but those concerts i went to really salvaged my month and helped me break out of my funk. since i only wrote one entry for october, i won't bother to make a separate page. so here's what i've been up to in those rare moments the clouds in my head cleared up!
let's see... in october, we went to the new teso that opened up in our city, i started and completed inktober for the first time since 2017 (and actually did 31 drawings this time!), finished silent hill f (i have mixed feelings about it... i'll write more about it later when i get my main site back up and running), went to a couple of concerts, had a steak lunch with my mom, went to see paranorman again in theaters (i cried! i don't remember crying when we saw it the first time), saw the chainsaw man movie, finished two big commissions, celebrated xavier's birthday, managed to get sylus' dragon companion, failed my 13 new horror movies in 31 days challenge two years in a row (i only had time to watch 4...), and finally got to wear long sleeves again! all of this in between work, since october is our busiest month.
actually, speaking of work, there's good news. my assistant manager had a long talk with our boss about all of the unwanted changes that have been happening at work, many of which my boss wasn't aware of and left her quite shocked. things have cleared up now, so she's staying! it takes off a lot of pressure from me too. i stay here for two reasons: for how much drawing i can get away with on the clock, and her. my career prospects are pretty much zero, so i'm just glad i don't have to scramble and find a new job right away. i hate working...
i celebrated xavier's birthday in two parts: first, we went out for braised pork because i was craving it! it was so tender and juicy, like a meat cake... i'm drooling just thinking about it. i had to work on the day of xavier's actual birthday, but i bought a slice of crepe cake to share with him before my shift started. it was really good! ahhh, sweet xavier... he really is so beautiful. that cosmic gaze of his had me shelling out an embarrassing amount of money to pull his 2024 card (i lost my 50/50 to zayne... i was so upset i actually said "FUCK YOU ZAYNE" out loud, lmao) and you know what? it was worth it. it's crazy how much of a sleeper hit xavier has been with me, i never would have guessed i would come to adore him this much. every piece of merch i have of him was a gift too, thank you very very much everyone who has gifted me a little piece of my sleepy little star!!
i was in a rush, so i couldn't include every piece of merch i have, but i treasure all of them greatly. man, was it killer to have sylus' myth rerun immediately after!! i was banking on the rerun happening next month, but there was no mercy for me... but randomly one day when i had only one half of the pair, i thought "i'm feeling lucky today" and bought one last pack. and i got him!! no more spending now!! i'm saving up all of my diamonds for sylus' 3rd myth and for the cat butler rerun.
i've been struggling to keep in touch with friends lately and feel perpetually burnt out, so i've just been focusing on myself a bit more. i'm sorry everyone... especially to those i haven't contacted for probably a month now. i love my friends, but i love solitude too. i think it's good for the soul, good for people in general to learn to enjoy their own company so they're not afraid of going out and doing things alone. no one to join me except my teddy bears? no problem!
oh yes, live report! so i went to two concerts this month: lebanon hanover and lamp! the minute i saw lebanon hanover was coming to my city, i knew i had to go right away. and they were wonderful!! they even played my favorite song, which was really surprising! thank you to my friend who kept me company and chatted with me before the show started too! it cheered me up so much, it really made me regret not being able to get out of bed to go see melvins earlier last month. i would have liked to dance harder, but there's only so much moving you can do in a crowd. i'm glad i got a souvenir shirt too!
i was torn over getting a long sleeve or the sadness is rebellion shirt, but i love how subtle the long sleeve is. after the concert, i bumped into my coworker!! she usually has work, but her tour got cancelled, so she got to go see the show. it would have been nice to go drinking with her, but my ride was already on his way... not to mention, i was opening the next day at work anyway!
the second concert i went to was lamp, on halloween! since i was going to be alone for halloween i decided to go, but luckily two of my comm friends were planning on going too (if you're reading this m, hiii). i worked in the morning, so i went to work in lolita and just decided to spend the whole day downtown near the venue. after work, m and i went to get dinner at a just ok british pub (the highlight of visiting it was definitely the guy dressed as ozzy who said i was cute... i'll excuse your touch only because you're dressed as him!!), but at least we had some delicious gelato after!
we met up with our third friend right as the doors started to open. shoutout to the one guy dressed as a lamp for halloween! there was a light in there and everything. i should have gotten a picture, because there's no way the venue staff didn't make him take it off to get in. the music may not have been very halloween-y, but i'm happy to see how many people still dressed up. i had such a great time, the music was amazing and lamp were adorably awkward in between songs. the concert ended right before the final bus passed by, so i'm grateful my friends for waited with me at my stop until i got on. there's always someone crazy there at night, and we definitely had a weirdo heckling us...
i wore sweet monster castle to the concert! m and i both wore the classic antique beast headdress, so we were matching. the weirdest thing happened when i was walking back through h&m to meet my friend... not one, but TWO people asked if i was a staff member. what the hell?? i was in two completely different spots both times too. must have been the curse that witch angrily put on me for saying we don't do witchcraft at my work. bonus, our food at the pub! the buffalo cauliflower smelled so strong that it made our eyes water. m's cashapp payment to me had a note of "mid pie" hahaha.
when i look back on it, i really did draw a lot last month. in addition to inktober, i also finished two major commissions: one was a pngtuber for a longtime client of mine. he says i'm his favorite artist, which is really sweet! i actually designed my own vtuber and plan to pursue streaming myself when i can finally afford a new computer, so it was good practice for the future! i feel a little dizzy and overwhelmed when i think about having to learn live2d and all of the logistics of streaming and putting myself out there in addition to just how saturated it is now, but it's something i really, really want to try out...
the second commission was for a comm friend of mine! she wanted a family portrait of her, her husband, and her doggies by their anniversary date and i made it with just a few days to spare! to prepare, i bought a lightpad which is a huge, huuuge game changer for me. i can't wait to make more traditional art like this! not only was the process very satisfying, but i learned a lot too and felt very fulfilled. if only i could get this kind of work stream in more often... it's a lot of work, but the kind i actually enjoy once i get the ball rolling.
breakfast, plus my workspace!! i rarely ever make a whole spread like this, but i wanted to fuel up before working on my friend's commission. i've been making migas a lot lately since my grandpa loves it especially. paired with apple cinnamon oatmeal and some hot barley tea. delicious! and my workspace... what a mess! it would be nice to have space for an actual work desk for art, but country girls make do.
actually, my mom nagged my sister again. my sister is hardly ever home! she'll pop in, only to be gone again within a couple of hours. she'll be gone for days on end, and even bear will leave for his work trip and come back home before she does. i think she's been spending most of her time with her new boyfriend. i know she's young, and i just want her to have fun and live her life... but it feels so strange to live in this big house when it's just me and grandpa 90% of the time. anyway, she usually writes off my mom's nagging but this time she said she was really considering switching rooms with me since she has the biggest one. i'd love that of course, but i'd love it more if you were home more often!
we saw the chainsaw man movie twice!! the first time there was absolutely no one in the theater besides us, which was cool! although it was a bit spooky to see a staff member randomly come in and tell me to put my feet down since i sit cross-legged on chairs. i wonder if theaters are equipped with cameras? i don't see why not... the second time was just last night! one of my comm friends wanted to see it, so i agreed to see it again with her. as fate would have it, two of our friends were going to the same theater for the g-dragon movie! so i was able to hang out, and also give my friend her commission. it was so much fun, and i really want to try to be more proactive and invite friends out to events. anyway, i loved the movie!! iris out is totally stuck in my head.
it's funny, we went so long without going to the theater, and then suddenly we went every week. in addition to paranorman, and chainsaw man x2, we also saw gdt's frankenstein!! it has a super limited release in theaters, so i knew i had to take the opportunity to go. i'm a big gdt fan and pan's labyrinth is my favorite movie along with beetlejuice, so i know i'll love anything he crafts. and it was wonderful!!! the movie is nearly 3 hours long, but i was entirely engaged the whole time. thank you netflix for funding his works, especially pinocchio. to quote someone else who just gets it, "gdt is just a weird girl making movies for other weird girls. i will not elaborate". i can't wait for pan's labyrinth's re-release in theaters next year! 20 years old already... sheesh. rule of rose will be 20 next year too.
the new katamari game coming out took me by surprise! i haven't had time to play it this week, but i want to get back to it soon... my joycons are in such terrible condition after all that splatoon i used to play. i should probably get some caps for my next pair. anyway, i really love the new game!! it's challenging, but in a fun way. i'm also glad they changed the controls because the charge and roll is harder to do on the switch, though i keep quick turning around on accident so maybe it's a little too sensitive?
i love that you can play as young king!! so cute. where are you, ichigo? i'm coming to find you! i actually found out it released by seeing a friend about to stream it on her instagram story. i immediately closed up at work and ran to gamestop to pick it up, only to find out that the physical version didn't release until the next day! i guess it's becoming more common for digital versions of games to release early, but i'll still pick a physical copy nearly every time.
what else... oh yes, i'm still dabbling in discovering new music, as always. i thought i would prefer black metal to death metal since i already like early black metal bands, but there's a lot of unsavory subgenres i can't deal with. just being edgy for the sake of it. i dabbled in dsbm (it's very hit or miss), finally got to listening to obituary (i love them!), but i also have been listening to a lot of punk and am dabbling in psychobilly music too. it was the season for horror punk anyway! i found out there's a live psychobilly night in my area too, even run by my coworker's boyfriend! so i'm hoping to make it out to one of those sometime. i love music!! i wish i had time to listen to everything, there's so much good stuff out there waiting to be discovered.
it's been 9 years without my grandma now. not a day goes by that i don't think of her. i didn't get to make an altar, but i bought some pan de muerto and left her one as an offering. the store wasn't selling fresh marigolds either, which was incredibly disappointing to find out after making the trip there, especially since they also didn't have a funnel so i could transfer her ashes into her new urn... i bought some fake marigolds and some discount halloween chocolate and went on my way.
ah, i'm full blown depressed again. i requested today off so i could take that screen printing class, but i don't have it in me to go. at least i didn't formally sign up and pay, and they have it every month so i'll have another opportunity. for a long time i've suspected i have persistent depressive disorder/dysthymia considering my symptoms first began before i even graduated elementary school, and now is one of those "double depression" times. it'll pass, it always does. i'm doing my best to still take care of myself and the household but everything feels really pointless right now, even drawing. i still do it anyway because not drawing feels worse. i don't want to whine about all the reasons that are contributing to my poor mood, so i'm just going to ramble about random stuff instead.
silent hill f was rough last night... of course i prefer some combat over none in horror games, but it's gotten to the point of being unfun and infuriating instead of scary. finding out that you have to play through the game twice to get the full story has dulled my interest quite a bit too. fuck this, we're going with story mode the next run. i'm not confident i could have played this on my own with how many enemies are thrown at you later in the game, and i'm not even going to comment on the story yet... i'll blab about it more when i get my main site back up and finish the game. one of my friends said that the fox guy doesn't belong in a silent hill game but in love and deepspace and i agree with her so much, lmao.
yesterday afternoon i finally started working on rearranging my figure shelves! i started with my magical girl shelf. everyone's sweet and smiling faces made me smile too and warmed my heart... but of course, progress came to a screeching halt because i was missing some pieces. i found the cat ears to my kitty sakura nendo, but i couldn't find the backdrop to my clear card figure even though i looked everywhere i could think of. i'm trying not to let it bother me enough into giving up on my shelves again, because i really did miss decorating and playing with my toys. i just haven't felt in the mood.
it's a good thing i have no desire to expand my figure collection anymore because i can't even maintain what i have now. i really need to take better care of my figures... there's been a couple of times i've accidentally lost or broke parts because i was too careless. we didn't have a lot of time to move, so i kind of threw everything in bags and boxes haphazardly instead of organizing properly. honestly, i think my room would have been decorated by now if it weren't for a certain someone taking up my free time when i was moving and settling in. if you know, you know.
there's a lot of events this month. the ballet giselle is going to be in my city and my coworker was even kind enough to switch shifts with me so i could go... but then i found out that tickets are $140 at minimum. i'm still a bit gutted over it. i just can't justify the price, but melvins are playing that night too so i was thinking i could go to that concert instead since it's much more affordable. then there's lebanon hanover later this month which i'm excited to see, and unfortunately i'll be alone on halloween.... but there's a concert i can go to on that night too so i'm considering it since i don't want to spend halloween night alone at home. i'm still sad i can't afford giselle or mcr tickets, but there's a much more affordable ballet i can see next month at least. i'm hoping to make it a lolita meet, but i wouldn't be surprised if no one comes with me. the tickets may be way more affordable, but they're still pricey!
as cheesy as it sounds, metal has been a good outlet for me lately. a while back i found this really cute site called map of metal that maps out the history of metal as well as genres with some song examples. i've always loved classic metal but i want to branch out and discover which sub genres i like and don't like. i already know i enjoy doom and sludge metal, and i like thrash a lot too (but i'm not a metallica fan shhh). most recently, i've been dabbling in funeral doom metal. it's dark, slow, and hopeless... it's perfect.
