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it happened, my co-worker put in her notice. october is super busy for us, so she'll stay until then but she's leaving afterwards even though she doesn't have a plan yet. i can't really say i blame her, she should have been the one to be promoted to operations manager. my bosses have no idea how much work she put into the store and they wouldn't have been taking vacations every 2 weeks without her passion. the store was basically her baby. they accepted her notice no question. no gratitude, no trying to convince her to stay, no indication that they cared at all about what pushed her to this decision. our bosses and our manager are completely clueless. i won't get into the reasons why but i know they don't care about us as people, they just want us to keep working for them and rolling in the money like we're robots.

i'm going to miss her, and she's definitely part of the reason i've stayed here for as long as i have. it's time for both of us to move on. i don't have the luxury of leaving without another job lined up, but man... the market is looking pretty damn bleak right now. i'm not super desperate so i'll just take my time finding the right job to switch to. honestly the biggest reason i stayed this long was because of the amount of drawing i'm able to get done on the job, but i'm so sick of everything... and have been for a while now. i'm sick of the entitled guests, the sheer stupidity i deal with on a daily basis, the asinine questions, the guy loudly singing about jesus on a daily basis right outside our door, the homeless nuts, and now i have to deal with the unwelcome changes imposed by our new manager too. let's see if i end up getting an email screeching at me for clocking in at 9:37 instead of 9:35 even though i still opened on time.

during my daily job site browsing, i noticed that not only did my bosses immediately put up the position to replace my co-worker, they're offering more than what she gets paid too! talk about adding insult to injury... i'm so disappointed and angry, and it made my co-worker realize just how much she was being taken advantage of. i used to say i didn't think my bosses were bad people despite the way i was treated when i was sick, but now i do without a doubt think they're just like any other out-of-touch family born with a silver spoon in their mouth; the couple met when they were studying abroad after all. may all of their kids become problem children, amen.

done with my work rant now! i'll talk about something happier. it was my grandpa's birthday earlier this week, he is the hardest person to buy gifts for because he either doesn't take care of what you buy him (he cut up all the pajama pants i bought him to make shorts, i'm glad they weren't expensive), or he refuses a nice gift outright. he's a very simple man, so my sister just decided to make him a lasagna dinner at home. it was really nice, we all sat down at the table together and had dinner and the german chocolate cake she made after, delicious. i got him a gift card to his favorite burger place, haha. happy birthday grandpa and i'm always grateful to have him in our lives. we're very spoiled. there were more birthdays this week and there's even more this weekend. busy busy!

oh yeah, something kind of miraculous happened the other day. although i considered myself mostly recovered from my chronic pain, i was still dealing with a lot of pain and stiffness in my back, neck, and head/jaw. i was at work when all of a sudden i straightened up my back and heard something pop, then in an instant all of my pain and stiffness started to subside. it was my posture this whole time! i'm still dealing with some shoulder and neck pain (surely everyone has tech neck at this point, plus i draw) but my head feels so amazingly clear, i had honestly forgotten what it was like to live without pain. every day, it felt like a rubber band was wrapped tightly around my whole head if i had to describe it. reminder to me and to anyone reading this: do not slouch!! it causes so many problems and i lost 2 years of my life simply because my posture was so messed up.

i genuinely believe this happened because i was making unhealthy choices and my body was telling me to knock it off. i'm really trying to eat better now and be active more often, like going out to ride my bike. that reminds me, i found a snake on my bike ride yesterday!! it was so small and cute... i was out for over an hour yesterday on my bike and it felt so exhilarating, like all of my problems were gone and i could do anything. i hope i can do longer bike rides on the trail more often.

silent hill f came out yesterday!! i completely forgot until just a couple of days ago when all the streamers started playing it early. i really love it so far! the setting is awesome, i really love showa-era stuff so i was really happy with it. the environments are beautiful, i love the mystery surrounding the protagonist's sister and the monster design is delightfully creepy. as i was learning the combat i said out loud "oh, its like if rule of rose had good combat" hahaha. i can't wait to play more!! we didn't play for as long as we could have last night since i started getting sleepy at 11pm... ah, and hotel barcelona comes out tomorrow! and i still need to buy deltarune! and i still haven't touched hello kitty island adventure! can someone pay for me to have a staycation at home where i do nothing but decorate and play games for a week straight? at least we got our microwave replaced and our sink fixed finally, it wasn't fun to have both of those out of operation for weeks.

there's a lot of things i feel like rambling on about today, so this might be a bit long. yesterday i mistakenly thought i was working, but i was actually off! i retrieved my sketchbook left behind the day before and happily walked over to the art supply store not too far away. the smell there always calms me down... it's one of the few places that makes me feel instantly happy when i walk in.

this particular store does screen printing too. every time i visit, i longingly look at the screen printing press section and dream of being able to afford my own set up... i was fortunate enough to try different kinds of printmaking techniques in high school but not printing on clothing with a screen press like this. it turns out that they also offer a class! it's next month and i'm going to sign up for it. truth be told, i'm a bit nervous... but it's something i really want to do, so it'll be worth the investment.

the other day when i was cleaning the kitchen turned sticky for the umpteenth time, my mind wandered and i was feeling a little envious of those who have all of their basic needs met and are able to simply draw all day like the self-proclaimed "bum who does nothing but draw (x)". i thought about how the vast majority of successful artists are successful or have the skills that they do because they come from more privileged backgrounds, and it's nearly impossible to make it without either being a nepo baby or living in a country with a lower cost. art is a luxury good after all, and while the world would be more dull without it, it's not like we need it to live. the industry is bleak and even seasoned professionals can't get jobs. i know i'll never be able to eliminate the need for a day job (i'm seeing a lot of established artists with a brand having to get day jobs again which is quite depressing...) but i also know i could never be happy living a more traditional or career path lifestyle. it would make things so much easier if that's what i wanted, but i don't and i never did.

i also think another reason i haven't been successful (besides the fact that i wasn't consistent enough and took little risks) unlike my peers who started at the same time as me is my inability to turn my work into a recognizable brand. i like too many things!!! i've tried many niches since i first started selling my art online when i was 16 and still, nothing has worked enough for me to settle on a single one. even now i still don't fully know what i want... i also am a person who very much prefers to stay true to myself and have an incredibly hard time doing anything i deem inauthentic. that probably makes me sound pretentious hahaha, but honestly i'd change instantly if could. tl;dr: i'm stubborn and have a bad business sense!! here is a collage by asoftwrongness. alright, art rant over!! sheesh, i swear i spend more time thinking about art than actually creating it. shut up and draw!

after i got home from the art supply store, i changed and we went to brunch together. i love being up early as long as my day is free... he very much is not a morning person, so i always cherish early days together. we got a breakfast sandwich with hash browns and some pumpkin pecan pie pancakes. everything was delicious!! i also ordered a mimosa, which i struggled to finish again... i want a drink, but then i end up eating too much and am too full to finish it. i never learn my lesson!!

following brunch, we made a quick trip to the mall. i wasn't expecting to buy anything, but then i remembered this mall has a dr. martens store and, well... i splurged and got the bag i've been wanting for two years now. i justified it as me needing not only a bag that's more "professional" that i could bring to interview, but also because i don't have anything for black and gothic outfits! in fact, over half of my bags are cutesy plush ones, lol. i'm so happy it's mine now!! it's so gorgeous. there's also an even more beautiful cherry red version but it's "vegan" leather which is an absolute dealbreaker for me. paying the same price for a product i already know is going to peel and disintegrate, as "vegan" leather does? no thanks!

i had considered making a blog just for lolita when i finish sprucing up my main site, but i don't want to talk about a new purchase and be easily traceable that way, even if there's not much on my lacemarket account. so i'll just ramble here instead! alice and the pirates is releasing a new line called egyptian chris and i'm totally in love with it!! i have a real soft spot for anything ancient egyptian themed and i've never seen it in lolita before. if i manage to find it on sale, i really want a skirt but the jsk with a sash is very cute too. everyone rags on aatp for being unconventional and tacky, but they're one of the few brand brave enough to try crazy things!

it really is the end at work... to be fair, the minute we moved into our new location, the thought "this is the beginning of the end" popped into my head. the frog in the boiling pot treatment started as soon as our sundays off were taken from us. my co-worker/former manager cried on my shoulder today right before i left for work, pulled me aside, and told me how poorly she's been treated and how she's decided to leave. so that's it! i've actually been looking too. i know the chances of me finding something better are pretty slim, but i can at least keep on passively searching. the final straw for her was that she's no longer going to be the one making our work schedule, which i know is going to be a disaster because the new manager doesn't know or understand our scheduling needs.

all of this just because my boss got angry at her for taking time off and wants her working like she's a robot. it's not like we get pto, benefits, or the pay we need to pay the bills even if we were granted fulltime hours. you wanna know why you guys had such a hard time fulfilling that "vacant" position? 'cause it's not a good job. have fun trying to find someone as loyal and reliable as us when we eventually leave, and i hope your "helpful" new employee was worth losing dependable employees who have been with you for years.

originally, i had started this entry on the 4th, but before i knew it, september was already halfway over. the days feel like they go by way too fast and i don't have enough time in the day to get everything i need done. i've even been too overwhelmed to message anyone lately... even scaling back the places i'm active in, i think if i were to dedicate today to corresponding to all of my unanswered messages, it would take a whole 8 hours. i love messaging friends and chatting, don't get me wrong!! i just don't have the time to do it like i used to.

even though fall is approaching, it's still over 90 degrees outside... better than 100, i guess. at least my favorite mariya takeuchi song is now on spotify. onto the con recap! prep work was busy as usual. i actually wasn't properly prepared at all and learned some important lessons... i didn't have any proper signage until saturday (signage is my weak point, i need to get laminated signs made), i ran out of sticker paper, and worst of all, i came prepared to work on commissions the whole con, but didn't get any until the end of saturday! because i tried something different and didn't put up my usual sign, i think most people weren't aware i was doing on the spot commissions which are my biggest money maker. only after i put up the sign did the inquiries start pouring in... i probably missed out on so many sales, but it is what is is and i'll never make that mistake again.

remember how i was so desperately trying to find a solution to the wifi? i ended up having no issue with it all weekend, phew! the signal was a little slow, but i never had to go as far as taking offline payments which was a huge, huge relief. i'm also conflicted over decorating my table with travis. i always feel like i have to have him there, but too many people always ask if my travis doll and plush are for sale and it gets annoying to turn them down, even if they are other no more heroes fans. my solution for this problem will have to be me making my own travis plush for sale, but that's a project for another time.

thursday: originally i asked for thursday off, but labor day weekend is always chaotic and more than one of the few employees need time off, making things more difficult. luckily work was fairly quiet and i was able to finish my commission samples like i needed to, then when it was time to clock out i immediately ran to my bank to get change. a trip to get donuts here, checking into the hotel and con check-in and set-up there, and finally it was time to relax for the night. the hotel we pick every year isn't immediately in front of the con, but we choose it for having the best price while including a free breakfast buffet and a jacuzzi at the pool! it was the last time i got to go swimming this year and while i'll miss being in the pool, i'm so ready for summer to be over!! we also finally got to watch holes again while i painted my nails (some of it is still leftover!!) oh sigourney weaver, you are gorgeous at every single age.

friday: it's the big first day!! i hadn't tabled at all for a year before that pokémon event in july and i haven't tabled at this particular con since 2023 because i didn't get in last year. i wore my ap letter doll skirt, a piece i was originally going to sell at the swap meet, but as i was fixing the button, i ended up getting attached again! it's so cute, i love red with white polka dots... it reminds me of minnie mouse. friday was a little slow, slow enough for me to play a little katamari which is never a good sign. as i said before, i made a huge mistake by not hanging up a sign for commissions. i came into the con expecting to work the entire weekend and didn't get a single comm this day when they're usually my best seller and my most profitable item! what a bummer... big shout out to my friend who picked us up curry though, i'm still dreaming of that limited edition curry bowl now. it was so tasty!!

after we packed up for the day, i got to attend a couple of panels: the card decorating panel and the lolita swap meet! i ended up selling my cosmic skirt to my friend and i was really happy about it, it stays in the family!! i used that same $100 i got from selling it to buy a brand new melikestea petticoat from another friend. i desperately needed one, and i'm so in love with it!! my old one was not only too big on me now, but it was falling apart and deflated. rest well petticoat, we had a good 10 years together. as tempting as it was to buy a new main piece, essentials are what i need. i also picked up some shoes from m (hey girl if you're reading this... hi). overall, a good haul!! to end the night, we headed to the late night gaming section which did not have the karaoke we were used to, so we played nes games instead of singing. also, check out these adorable trigun cosplayers!! manga cosplayers especially always make me so, so happy~

saturday: aka, the busiest day of the con! i was pretty late going to the con this time because i wanted to wear a decorated coordinate with toy parade. i had been wanting to wear toy parade for months and it was finally my chance!! i felt very cute in my coordinate and it was comfortable enough to stay in all day. sales moved a little quicker, but i only got one commission from a friend, which was when i realized people weren't understanding that i was doing live commissions... this was the day the fashion show was going on, but i decided not to go since i had already been spending a lot of time away from my table looking at all the artist and dealer's booths while my help took over for me.

i wasn't tired after the day was over surprisingly, so we roamed around the convention center and played some stuff at the arcade and tried to peek into some panels before heading back. some of those panel rooms were really not big enough for the amount of people waiting in line! right as we were about to head back to the hotel, there was a downpour! it was honestly shocking how suddenly and hard it rained. we don't get a lot of rain here, so why is it that during the few times i don't want it to rain, it does? we couldn't go swimming one last time because of it...

at the end of the night, i realized we hadn't had a full meal since lunch, so my friend drove us to this little to-go slider place. it was alright, i don't think i'd go back again. my opinion is probably soured by the fact that i ended up getting sick. we had a stash of bananas in the room from breakfast, so i ate one as a snack (i prefer them green) and ended up getting... i guess acid reflux after? it was so strange, i had never experienced that before. i felt so sick and nauseous that i didn't really feel like eating and i definitely couldn't go to the rave like i had planned to. anyway, my coordinates for the weekend!! i didn't get a proper picture of my sunday coordinate sadly.

sunday: the final day of the con!! i always wake up with the pre-post-con blues on sunday morning of the con... i wore something more casual and comfortable since i knew i was going to meet a friend for dinner at the end of the day. i actually spent a lot of time away from my table this day because i had two panels to go to: the regular swap meet AND there was a love and deepspace meet! the lads meet was so fun, xavier was dead last in the popularity poll which didn't surprise me at all (the collective "awwww" in the room was so funny).

after the initial photo ops finished, the girl running the panel asked if anyone had any personal requests to which i was the only one with my hand raised: i wanted the xaviers on one side and the syluses on the other! the only problem was there was literally only one xavier cosplayer, lmao. still, i got my photos! and after i had my pictures taken, everyone else lined up too... i accidentally started something and then fled the scene, on my way to the swap meet, oops! i hope next year's lads meet up is even bigger... xavier's birthday is next month and i can't wait to celebrate.

and just like that, the con was over! there were some final things i didn't get to buy, but that's ok. to everyone who stopped by my table to say hi, give me food, buy something, commission me, give me a gift... thank you so much. i'm so, so happy and grateful to know as many wonderful people as i do who are kind and considerate. i felt overwhelmed with all of the love that was given to me that weekend, especially from my friend who suggested a fancy restaurant after the con and insisted she pay for our meal. i still want to cry when i think about it. i promise i'm gonna get you back... the very next day, i went to work again and had to leave before we even checked out of our hotel. technically, i worked 8 days in a row!! i think my record is still somewhere between 10-14 though, definitely because of labor day weekend again.

con haul! i actually forgot a couple of things like i always do, like some bracelets i bought and a goku black statue. vash is my first daki cover!! click for full view~

the con went well, what about everything else? remember how my grandpa accidentally left the gas on one of the days leading up to the con and a fire could have totally exploded the house? as soon as i got back, my grandpa somehow set the microwave on fire. in fact, we still don't have it fixed now because i was given the runaround when trying to contact someone to get it replaced (i think i have the correct contact saved for the future now, phew). i'm also very unhappy with what's happening at my job... everyone at my work hates our new manager who is incredibly corporate and nitpicky, yet out of touch at the same time. why would you hire someone who doesn't understand how the daily operations work?? just a few emails from her filled with new rules and nitpicking set us off and had us in the worst mood for a whole week.

i knew i couldn't stay at this dead-end job forever, it's just that my prospects are very bleak... i have no skills or education. i don't have my own transportation and i have a low tolerance for doing things i don't want to do (i start self-harming when i'm stuck in a job i hate). this deadly combination means my employment options are very, very, very limited. i know i have no one to blame but myself (i honestly didn't think i was going to live this long) and that i have the power to change, it's just way more difficult to do in your 30s as opposed to your 20s when you don't have established responsibilities bogging you down and have more time to spend.

gone are the days you can frivolously study any degree you want, anything you go into needs to be something that is guaranteed you land you a job, and one worth the time and money you put into it. you know what the fun part is? as i'm job searching, i'm seeing positions that require certificates or schooling offering the same pay i already get. lovely! i'm just going to pour myself into my business even more while i search for new opportunities, which is what i should have done a long time ago. i said i was going to take it easy after the con but truth be told, i still have commissions and work to do! there's always something to be done... ah, that's adult life for you i suppose. i don't want this... i don't want any of this, but i will keep on going anyway.

bleakness aside, i got a bit of a break last week! a local theater was having a production of sweeney todd, so i bought the tickets late (there were almost no seats left!) and we dressed up to go the next day. i was so excited, especially since i was gutted about missing beetlejuice when it was in my city. the tim burton movie is a guilty pleasure of mine and a favorite from my teenage years. it was incredible and so worth the money!! i had seen bits and pieces of a couple of different productions of the musical and this one was nothing like those, in a good way. i even still remember all of the words to the songs... a little priest is my favorite number, by the way.

my nc site has now been transformed! truth be told, it makes me really sad that i had to leave it behind... i know it didn't actually go anywhere, but all it takes is one bad actor to ruin everything. besides, i was tired of the site being filled with children and the same 3 buttons everywhere if you know what i mean. i do feel a lot more comfortable splitting myself into separate pieces across the web, it just makes me feel more safe. i also have been thinking a lot lately... not everyone deserves access to you. time is precious and life is too short to not be surrounded by only those who you actually enjoy spending time with.