comment?
my mind is kind of all over the place today, so i want to write and vent about a lot of different things. my grandpa has had a bad cough for the past couple of weeks and i really want him to go to the hospital because i'm worried he could have pneumonia but he is refusing and his car broke so my sister is the only one who can take him today. he can be so difficult and it really stresses me out... i still remember when i was fighting with him over going to the hospital when he had his stroke scare (the doctor even got after him for not going sooner when we finally went) or when he broke his finger.
i swear all men are like tamagotchis that will simply die if you don't take care of them. but he takes care of us too, always has... i don't want to get angry or annoyed with him anymore because the bad news that i got is his liver is starting to go bad and i don't know how much time we have left. i know it's not good, but i always have to stick my head in the sand and not think about things like this or crumble and fall apart mentally. he's here with us right now and that's what matters to me.
i'm working on my new sticker set today while i watch the osbournes and for each sticker i finish coloring, i'm allowing myself to catch up on a message/email or blog in between. i'm hoping to get these new stickers printed today and posted to my shop and fandom discord so i can get some earnings to buy supplies i need for the con next month. we got our table assignments too, which i did not get by email for some reason?? i don't like my placement, at all! it's all the way near the dealer's hall which is terrible, everyone is going to see my table last or they're beelining to the dealer's room anyway so they won't stop at my booth. and because of my placement, i know i will NEED to buy a hotspot.
i hate this convention center because 1. they don't allow food vendors which sets it apart from other anime cons (in a bad way, no weeb snacks??) and 2. the convention center is an absolute dead zone for everyone who doesn't use at&t. my phone provider is metro so yeah, i'm guaranteed to get no signal, and the convention center wifi is $80 PER DAY. fuck that. i know it's not the con's fault the convention center is like this but it sucks so much and it really sours things for me, especially since their staff is not super friendly. my home con just happened to be the one with a dead zone convention center that doesn't allow food and with strict and unhelpful staff. wonderful.
for the longest time, i was always under the impression my hair is dark brown but i saw myself from the back and thought "huh, i guess it is black?". i just don't have that image of myself having black hair over brown! but i guess black hair is actually a shade of very dark brown anyway and jet black hair is something you can only get from dye? i don't know, can any hair experts weigh in on this? i'm so bored with my hair too, this is around the time i always get an urge to chop it off because of the heat but i like the length i have right now.
it seems like no matter what i do, i can't figure out how to manage my hair. my mom has 3a hair and i swear mine used to be curlier when i was younger, but i have 2c hair. it's not even all the same texture, half of it has looser waves than the other side and it drives me nuts. i cherish the few ringlets that form after washing on a good day, because that's what i wish i had more of. mousse, gel, cream... i've tried it all and i still can't seem to consistently get the results i want. maybe it's my technique? i am pretty lazy with my hair care after all. i would love to get it dyed again but it was $400 and it took 6 hours to do since my hair is so thick.
i forgot to take my tamagotchi with me to work the other day, so i didn't get mimitchi like i wanted. i got zuccitchi, but the good news is that with zuccitchi there's a chance it can evolve one more time into zatchi which is this little ayy lmao alien and i love it, so i'm taking good care of it hoping it will evolve. too bad nyatchi is jp only! oh yes, and in other game news, apparently lollipop chainsaw is getting a new game and an anime?? there's no information though, just a shady twitter account and an announcement... repop was terrible, so i don't have any faith anything will come out of this. i know lollipop chainsaw isn't the most amazing ghm game and suda himself wasn't very involved in it, but it was THE defining game for me right after i graduated high school and i love juliet so it's a personal favorite of mine.
xavier's new banner in lads came out today! truth be told, i'm not a huge fan of the setting. what drew me to xavier in the first place is how calm and gentle he is and him being a king and yelling "time for slaughter" in a deeper voice right after his normal caring messages is so goofy, lmao. i've done 80 pulls so far and spent $9 and got NEITHER of his myth cards! i'm out of diamonds and i don't want to spend any more money, so i guess i'm gonna grind for the next two weeks... i had a feeling i was gonna end up like this. the first pity i got was a sylus card, and it was one i already have! worse, it's my favorite normal sylus card so as he smiled at me, i felt like i was being taunted. are you jealous? this is only going to make me like you less, hmph.
right now they just opened up a katamari pop-up café!! i wish i could go soooo bad, it's not fair! i'm looking at the menu and all the pictures and just dreaming of being there... they also opened an official katamari instagram account which i am very excited about. i still never even got to buy to a t, keita takahashi's new game!! mentally, i am here.
heartbroken over ozzy's passing of course, like i always knew i would be. honestly 76 is really amazing to reach for the kind of lifestyle he lived, but i'm still sad. my favorite legend in metal now and forever... there is nothing quite like his voice. i still remember the very first sabbath song i heard, on tumblr of all places when i was 14 or 15, planet caravan. i could go on and on about sabbath since it's my comfort band, but of course i love ozzy's solo stuff too. i have so many favorites from both discographies, way too many to list. ozzy, i hope you're out there partying with randy rhoads and lemmy right now. your friend funassyi is gonna miss you too. this is one of my favorite pictures of all time:
you know, i've actually never seen the osbournes outside of a lot of clips here and there. i was saving it for a rainy day, and i guess this is that rainy day. it's on youtube thankfully, but i'm hoping i can come across a physical copy of it later. i want to collect all those dumb shows from back in the day, i already got the jackass series box set and i want to watch viva la bam next. oh yeah, we went to the pool again to lift my spirits a little, this time the one at the park closest by my house. it was wonderful, the area was shaded, it wasn't too crowded, and they had a 10 ft deep end with a diving board. next time i want to try being brave and diving in. i still have a pit in my stomach thinking about everything, so it was nice to forget for a bit.
weekend recap! it was so busy i didn't even have time to check up and reply to my messages. friday evening was the burlesque show. to be honest, i didn't really feel like going at all but i had already agreed to go and didn't want to cancel last minute. i'm actually really glad i went though! it was a lot of fun and i enjoyed it a lot more than i thought i would. it helped that i was in good company, my friend invited lots of people but only two other friends showed up (one doesn't drink at all and the other is pregnant which i thought was hilarious, a pregnant woman at a burlesque show??).
maybe it's not ~feminist~ to support this kind of thing but so many of the girls were really enchanting, gorgeous, and good entertainers. my friend said they had really improved since she first started going to these shows too, which apparently her cousin was a part of at one point as well. oh, i had an awkward conversation with the friend sitting next to me lol. she asked if i would ever dance like that and i immediately said "ew no, with men looking at me? i hate men!" which i totally forgot is not something normal you say out loud lmao. she just nodded her head and said "interesting" and we left it at that. but yeah, fun time! i only had one drink since i had a bit of a headache but i find i need to rely on alcohol less in social situations as i get older thankfully. it's actually really liberating to not HAVE TO drink in order to have a good time. after the show, my friend and i shared a beef shawarma salad at this food truck we both love. the owners recognize her as a regular!
on saturday morning i opened my eyes for the next faiz with friends while i started working on birthday stuff for the evening. everyone is in the european time zone except me so coordinating to watch stuff together can be difficult but we make it work! everything was prepped and ready, i was fully dressed and then... my friends were super late. the dinner party started at 8pm but we didn't get there until an hour and a half later. still, the important part is that we still got to spend some time together since it had been months since our last hangout.
the food? terrible!! it did not improve at all. i told my friends on the car ride over about the experience i had last time i got food from them in 2020 and the ramen was awful and they put a bunch of weird burnt potato pieces or mushrooms or SOMETHING in there. i already knew to steer clear of the ramen so i thought katsudon would be a safe choice and it very much was not... there was no panko, the meat looked grilled instead of fried, the eggs were yolks and not scrambled like they were supposed to be, for some reason it was topped with cucumber, i didn't see any caramelized onions, and some parts of the rice were dry and hard. i don't know how you manage to fuck up katsudon but they did. none of my friends liked their ramen and one of them got sick after the party.
what's even funnier is when we were seated, the waiter asked who had been here before and who hadn't and he said "i bet she told you the food was terrible right?" and we all laughed nervously because that's exactly what i said. i got katsudon, some edamame for the table, and the birthday boy a drink and my bill was over $40. absolutely ridiculous, especially for the quality of food. i don't understand how that place has such good reviews on google. it's an overpriced hipster joint selling bastardized japanese food. listen, asian fusion has actually improved and there's surprisingly good asian fusion restaurants now but this very much is not a good one. at least we got lots of cute instax photos together.
then sunday was the decora day meetup at the arcade! i wanted to wear toy parade but i also wanted to be comfortable, so i wore a more casual deco lolita coordinate with my ap cosmic skirt. actually on that note, i was thinking of selling my cosmic skirt, but i'm on the fence about it... the skirt doesnt look that great on me because of the way the waistband is but i have accessories that only go with it, and i'm a sucker for anything constellation and space themed, and i don't like any of the other cuts either... honestly, i've been thinking of selling a few pieces in my wardrobe just because i'm bored of it and want new stuff to wear.
anyway, back to the decora meet. the one in 2023 was so much fun and i was excited to see everyone but the turnout was CRAZY! i made a small sticker to hand out for the occasion but i only printed out 32 of them. i think i would have needed at least 3 times that amount to cover everyone. the meet was so small and intimate in 2023 but this year it really exploded... it was kind of a disaster because the poor woman who organized it got super big on social media and now anything she announces she's going to ends up transforming into a meet and greet which is not the intention at all. while i'm glad that young girls have an amazing role model to look up to like her, i think all those parents took advantage of her kindness and misunderstood the point of the meet.
there were so many people that the staff forced her to buy a party room, so the big kids in the corner (us lol) just sang karaoke the whole time. it was a lot of fun! the impromptu meet and greet ended just in time... she didn't even get to play any games or take a break! afterwards, we went to jollybee which was delicious as always! it was just a fun day and my instax got a lot of use as well!
i think i want to make a page for my outfits soon! i might post new ones on my main site as well since i'm going to archive my old diary entries and place all of the photos from them into photo diary pages by year instead. it just feels so nice to be a little more free to blog here, where only my most trusted and loved ladies have the link and i'll soon be able to switch to a host that allows php so i can password protect it.
maybe i'm a little burnt out on socializing online since i'm having trouble maintaining my correspondence to everyone... i think it's partially because when i'm away i always feel the need to come back with a souvenir, as if it's compensation for not replying right away. it doesn't help that one friend i haven't been able to respond to in weeks still keeps messaging me, and the messages piling up makes me want to reply less and less... you ever talk to someone and you're excited to hear about their life but when you speak about yours, they just kind of brush over what you said, so you decide to close yourself up? it's like that. i can feel myself wanting to withdraw from everyone again... i got some really, really bad news that i'm not coping well with. i don't want to talk about it because i'm inconsolable if i think about what's going to happen too hard. just know if you have this link, i am thinking of you always, even if i lack the energy to chat with you.
we went to the pool again yesterday!! this time we decided to try the pool my grandpa used to take me to when i was a kid and it was so, so much better. the pool was better maintained, gorgeously blue, and huge! the pool is mostly 6+ feet deep with the deepest part being 9 feet so i was mostly limited to the shallow part (i tried to swim across the deeper end horizontally and WEW, what a workout!) but i feel so refreshed and invigorated! like i've been reborn... being in the water is just good for the soul i think.
after the pool, we went to sonic again to pick up some groovy fries and they didn't have the sauce! what's the point? begrudgingly, i bought a chicken tendie box for us to share and it was incredibly disappointing. the tendies were dry and hard, the fries were soggy and sauceless, and the toast weirdly smooth and chewy, like it wasn't even real bread. it was a disaster and i think we need to stop buying food from sonic and only stick to their drinks and ice cream. we only go because it's close to the house anyway.
oh yes, i finally tried my peach ice cream! the flavor was light and sweet but i think i actually prefer the mango one? don't get me wrong, i love peach and it's one of my favorites, but i think this one's flavor was a little too subtle. the way it looks like a boob greatly amused me. oppai ice cream! now i just need to try the yuzu one.
speaking of mango, i finally got to cut one up and eat it! the mango that was in the fridge went bad, rip but luckily there was another one freshly purchased, too bad it was much smaller... but it was still delicious! it made me want to try some mango bingsu, it looks really good.
i got some really cute charms in the mail yesterday too, i'll take a picture of them later but also because i need to buy a couple more as a gift and i want it to be a surprise... i didn't know my friend had given me one of the charms she put up for sale yesterday for free so she messaged me in surprise saying "you're quick!". oops! sorry, i missed out on one of your standees and i don't want to make that mistake again. if i had checked the mail before i left for my bus, i could have spared myself from buying it, but i like supporting my friends anyway. i guess i'm just going to have two tiger tail wiggle charms now!
since my paycheck came in, i also finally ordered a couple of bundles from the zine i participated in. i still think it kinda sucks contributors don't at least get a physical copy of the zine for free, but it's a 100% for charity project and the discount we get is really good. it's seriously one of the most well done zine projects i've ever been in (and trust me, i've been a part of some disaster projects) and i'm thoroughly impressed and very happy with all the connections i've been able to make within the fandom. actually, can i be petty for a moment? i got rejected from an utena zine and months later, they gave me a code for a free sticker if i purchase the zine. the sticker was NOT CUTE!!! i would have made you a better sticker!
in other merch news, a rozen maiden x sanrio collab popup was announced and it's SO CUTE!! i want everything... i'm so happy purin is with kanaria, she's so underrated. i'm a little disappointed cinna is with kirakishou but i guess they always have to use that mf somewhere.
after work, i went to the mall to pick up some undies from vs since i got an email that they're having a 5/$30 special right now. i still don't like the blend they use for the vs panties, but i saw some mostly cotton ones in the pink section! the bikinis (my choice of undies) had string sides though?? why were they like that! i hated them, so i bought a different type because they were cotton and SO cute, one of them is black with a strawberry print!! it's perfect! oh, and unrelated, but my 2nd tamagotchi died... my friend got me a re-release gen 2 tamagotchi for my birthday so i've been playing with it. apparently feeding it cake makes them die super early so you can't feed it to them at all, but then why have the option at all?! it doesn't help that there's only one game to raise their happiness up and i hate it, it's a numbers guessing game. it gets less bad the more you play it though. i hope this new tama will be healthy and live long!!
today was the last day i'll see my coworker. i've worked with her for 5 years. she gave me a hug, but i feel pretty indifferent (iykyk). i just hope she has a safe trip up to portland because her driver fell through last minute and now she'll have to make the trip by herself. i also said bye to my sister since she's going to nashville for the weekend! there i go, having to take care of the cats alone again... i already do since she's barely home, hahaha. she's having a bit of boy trouble right now so my mom encouraged her to go on a trip to get her mind off of things and i agree it'll be good for her, especially since her flight was covered. then we took my grandpa to drop off his badge at work because he quit! lots of goodbyes today!!
actually, this weekend is kind of packed for me. the friend i went to the eurodance night with invited me to a burlesque show, which i totally forgot about until she told me. i'm so glad i have the next day off... but then in the evening i'm going to a birthday dinner. i lowkey hate the restaurant he picked, it's a ramen bar that i had a terrible experience with years ago so i stopped going, but maybe it'll be alright this time... in my city, there's really only one good ramen place. at least this one isn't too far from where i live i suppose. then sunday is international decora day!! i have no idea what to wear yet! i want to try to make a coordinate with my ap cosmic skirt since the first idd i wore my carebears overalls and i don't want to repeat that again, although it is very tempting because i think that's the last time i wore them... all the way back in 2023, wew.
i'm a little conflicted over what to do with my main site. there's no doubt in my mind i want to continue it, but since i no longer feel comfortable posting personal stuff there, i was thinking of removing everything and have the index only link to my shrines, then find a new host. but if i join a bunch of webrings and fanlistings, people will find my site anyway and then it'll be back to square one. i don't know... i mostly stick to my current host because it's free and easy. with everyone leaving, there's less incentive for me to stay. maybe it'll actually encourage me to be MORE involved and leave messages on guestbooks and send emails instead of relying on the feed if everyone is scattered around though.
the show was a big success!! it was my first time tabling since may 2024 and i had such a good time. it was a pokémon themed show at a boba café organized by my friend who owns the cutest store in my city. it was a two day event, but i was only able to do one day and i was pleasantly surprised! an extra $200 in my pocket, and on a sunday! the last time i tabled was a kewpie event also at a boba café and it was HORRENDOUS! it took me hours just to make the $25 table fee back and once i made table, i packed up and left to go to my great grandma's 100th birthday party, so it was still a good day despite what a waste of time that show was. this show was the perfect way for me to get back into things before my big con in august.
my pin the tail on the pikachu game was a hit, everyone loved trying it out and there was one girl who was determined to keep trying until she got it right. i had printed a special sticker (one of my friends said she looks like bobby hill and now i'm horrified and can't unsee it, i need to fix her face) for those who could get it accurately, but i ended up being really loose with them and gave them away too soon, especially to kids coming up to my table wearing pikachu shirts. i also dug up my old pikachu hoodie for the occasion, i'm so glad i kept it... the cuffs are all stretched out now but it's not a big deal.
we had never been to this café before and to my surprise, there was the 85c bakery that opened up in my city not too long ago!! i had been wanting to go for months already but we didn't have an opportunity to make the trip. of course i took a break and got some bread. they were out of the hawaiian bread i love but i got a garlic cheese bread, coconut milk bread, egg tarts, and a basque cheesecake cup. i want my next birthday cake to be from them!! they look so beautiful and scrumptious. then my bf surprised me and got us boba, i got a taro smoothie with boba and he got a plain honeydew smoothie, a chicken salad onigiri (it was... interesting), takoyaki (his favorite!), and tteokbokki and sausage on a stick. it was so much food... i really ate well yesterday and i still have leftovers.
some of my comm friends also surprised me and visited! they were all girls from the kpop demon hunters movie night, they had just gotten back from high tea (their pictures looked AMAZING! worth the 10 month effort to get in!). we bumped into each other at the bakery and went back to the café. thank you for visiting and supporting me, it means so much...
after the show, we went back home to relax a little bit before i went back out with a friend to the eurodance night at a bar. because of the theme, i decided to not wear all black for once, only to realize that this bar is where all the goths congregate lmao. my coworker was so surprised to see me! it was great to see her and she was a fantastic dj. i also bumped into another one of my comm friends and she danced with us all night, my friend and i left about half an hour before the bar closed. i don't think i've ever danced that hard before, it was a blast. i had two drinks, the first being my usual order which is a cherry vodka sour, and then a blue hawaiian. i couldn't finish my second drink so i just gave it to my comm friend since she was staying until close and my friend and i left at 1:30am. thank you for a wonderful night out ladies!!
i got my first hate comment on my main site yesterday. i know i said it doesn't bother me, and the comment itself doesn't because it was obvious it was some kid who 1. doesn't know me and was just blindly writing an insult and 2. had probably just starting using imageboards because they didn't properly use the lingo, but it was still jarring to see and reminded me of my /cgl/ days (which i've long left behind, good riddance. the draw thread didn't deserve me). when i first started out and said i didn't think people would notice my site, i guess i was too naive... but i truly did think i would still fly under the radar like i always have. i've always been a lurker and more of the shy away from the spotlight and stay in my own lane type of person, so it's weird to me that finally coming out of my shell and simply visibly existing online and making friends would anger someone enough to leave a comment. please fill out a job application.
last night was the kpop demon hunters movie night. it was so much fun! after work, my friend picked me and another friend up and we went to the korean market to get dinner and snacks. i think there were about 9 or 10 of us that ended up attending? it was very cozy. one of the girls is leaving out of state to further her education and i'm very sad to see a fellow ocean in space fan go. "you're leaving? but i just met you!" i said as i hugged her. good luck with your master's degree!!
we had SO MANY snacks! we all brought too much to be honest, lol. i also finally got to try that fancy fruit ice cream i saw emmy try a while back and it was delicious! i bought a mango box and my friend bought the peach box for us to share. the mango one was amazing, i ended up being too full to eat my peach one but it's in my freezer waiting for me now. the ice cream is incredibly soft and sweet and the casing makes it feel extra decadent. that along with the presentation definitely makes it feel like a "luxurious" treat, at least i thought so. my friend also got me a pistachio melona bar which was incredible and i would definitely make a habit of buying them. i love pistachio flavor!
the movie? surprisingly i was really into it! the music was great and we all laughed a lot. there were some cliché moments but overall it was a great movie and i would watch it again! after the movie, we watched some kpop music videos since a lot of music had recently released. the new ateez mv? scandalous and sexy! however, what really won my heart was "kiss a kitty" by chuu (heh, iykyk). i feel like i got struck by cupid's arrow... i can't stop listening to the song and watching the fancam video. chuu and her backup dancers are all so unbelievably cute, i'm absolutely enchanted...
on the note of kpop, korean society is horribly misogynistic but i'm actually glad women and girls have some eye candy to look at. i complain all the time about how there's no male celebrity heartthrobs anymore because all of the decent looking ones aged out and the new bloods are all rat-faced. kpop dancing actually looks kind of fun... i actually attended this same friend's kpop dance class graduation earlier this year, apparently it was a class offered for free?! tempting...
grasshopper manufacturer has a newsletter now!! i don't think i've ever signed up for a newsletter so fast in my life, and we just got our first one now. gmail marked it as spam too, no wonder i couldn't find it in my inbox while everyone was talking about it. ahh, i'm so excited for romeo is a dead man... there's so many ghm games i still need to finish and play despite owning a lot of them. don't tell anyone but i still haven't even finished killer7... i'm terrible, i know! fake fan!! i'll get to it eventually, don't rush me...
i have a really silly rant i need to get off my chest, i've had this one typed since yesterday. one of my biggest pet peeves at work is when someone comes in and immediately asks how to see a ghost, especially since that's not what we do. i think that supernatural disconnect makes people forget that ghosts and spirits were once living and breathing human beings just like them. if i were resting i would be pissed that someone woke me up just because they were bored and wanted to see something "cool". ouija boards and the like... i just find it all disrespectful and distasteful. i don't even necessarily believe in ghosts either but we say "rest in peace" for a reason. i'm probably thinking too hard about this but it bothers me. anyway, it's time to print and prep for tomorrow!! hopefully i can make a little money.
yesterday after work, i went to the pool!! the one at the park closest to us was closed so we went to the same one we went to last year. we're on the south side of town so it was full of rowdy kids and the pool had a lot of debris which was kinda gross but i'm still glad we got to go. it was just what we needed!! last year after the pool we had a craving for sonic's groovy fries so that's what we did again but this time we also got a burger and some mozarella sticks. diet who? lmao.
this morning i thought i worked, but i actually had the day off! i was already on the bus when i randomly checked my schedule and it said no shifts today. ruh-roh... luckily i got picked up and we went to get breakfast together. i'm a morning person but he isn't, so mornings together are rare. today i want to get a lot of drawing done, today my to-do list is 4 deco toploaders, 2 cards, one doodle, and to start printing for sunday. i haven't finished anything new for the con... i definitely want to make a diner pikachu sticker for the sunday at least, the new merch line is SO freaking cute and i want the apron heart pika plush!!
my grandpa is having issues again, he gets overwhelmed and stressed out easily so i'm glad that we're here to help him. in addition to his car breaking down, they're seriously doing some downright illegal shit at his work, apparently they docked everyone's pay for breaks and everyone's overall pay decreased to cover it. i don't know if he's directly employed by the company or if they hire a third party but i need to know who the hell to go yell at. i keep telling him over and over to just quit but he gets bored if he doesn't work and he likes having the extra money... he's always been stubborn like that for as long as i can remember.
i found out one of my favorite wrestlers is going to be at a couple of shows hours away from me and i'm SO sad i can't go!!! i really hope she'll come back again, she's so freaking cute ugh. she's my idol, i definitely took huge inspo from her for my wrestling sona. she really is the cutest in the world and i love how cuhrayzay she is. man, i haven't been to a wrestling show in forever... wwe kept pissing me off by laying off a lot of my favorites and i was also sick of the obvious nepotism carrying the storylines. i'm completely and totally out of the loop, i don't even watch aew anymore and especially not now since we cut cable. man, if i had known maki was gonna be there when my friend first showed me the event on instagram, i would have started planning to go right away.
there's SO MANY THINGS happening this month!! one of my lolita comm friends invited me and some other comm members over tomorrow so we could watch kpop demon hunters at her house. so that's what that blue tiger i keep seeing is from? i'm not really into kpop but some of the songs are bangers and i love the girl groups so yeah, i don't mind going over to watch it and i'm happy she invited me... because of my chronic pain, i didn't go to any meets for a good while and when i came back there was an explosion of new members i didn't know and i felt like an outsider all over again. so being included, especially since i stopped getting invited to things when i was going through it just... means a lot to me.
oh, then i found out my co-worker is going to dj at a bar the same night i'm having my art show (going out clubbing on a sunday??) and i honestly really want to go. plus international decora day is coming up... there's a meetup planned and anytime i attempt decora it's obvious i don't have the sheer volume of accessories required but i try my best. i can't wait to see everyone's outfits!! i went to the international decora day meet they held in 2023 and was sad that nothing was planned for 2024, but here we go!!! 2025 baybey!!!!
if i keep myself busy, i won't feel the need to go on imageboards or refresh the same websites in a loop over and over. i'm honestly so sick of imageboards especially... i miss having single go-to website to pull up and read but it's not a good use of time anyway. i keep checking my usual threads and thinking "am i actually enjoying this? am i getting anything out of it?" and the answer is no because these dumbasses just keep angering me and posting the most asinine takes possible. it's a hard habit to break because i've been browsing imageboards and have been an internet addict since i was 12-13 but it's such a waste of time and not a good one. i want the internet to be my line of communication with loved ones and a tool to make my life better and not my shackles anymore.
this morning my grandpa caught me walking to my bus stop and gave me some tacos to take to work. they were so good!! i'm so grateful to have him in my life. look at me, yesterday i said i wanted to lose weight but i had tacos and then last night i shared a gigantic katsudon and didn't go ride my bike!! bad!! no regrets though, everything was delicious... i really hope i can go swimming today. it's practically a crime that it's already july, yet i haven't worn my swimsuit once! i didn't import my dream swimsuit just to never wear it, hmph.
there are so many things that i really need to replace now. it's my fault because i always use an item until i absolutely cannot anymore, and then everything ends up needing to be replaced at once. i need both new normal shoes and new lolita shoes (i haven't had a pair of kitty mary janes for over a year now and both my leather mjs and work boots are falling apart), new underwear, new lolita petticoats, and now i'm noticing my shorts are wearing down and will probably have holes pretty soon. i could also use a tech upgrade because both my computer and printer are 10+ years old now. it sucks though because everything is more expensive now, the price of everything went up and victoria's secret doesn't even make the 100% cotton lace panties i love anymore. if i had known, i would have stockpiled a long time ago. i'll just have to buy everything slowly and wait for sales.
i know it's late in the game for this lesson to really cement in my brain, but this year i really realized that you can't get along with everyone and that's ok and it doesn't make you a bad person! i always have a strong desire to be on good terms with everyone and be an amicable person in general but it's bit me in the ass one too many times. i want to be around people who want to be in my life and who also give back to me. of course i don't do things for people to get anything in return, if anything i feel like it gives my life value to give to others in my own way, but i also want to take a step back and mostly focus on the ones who show me they care. i'm so incredibly grateful for everyone that i know, the love feels like more than i can hold at times.
if people don't like me (or you, reader), that's ok! if they are spreading rumors about you and gossiping, it's infuriating but it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the other person’s character. people will believe what they want to believe regardless of the evidence out there it's not your job to clear up people's assumptions, especially not ones you don't even know about, and especially not to the people who don't even have the decency to talk to you directly. two quotes come to mind because they are so true:
"you can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there's still going to be somebody who hates peaches." - dita von teese
"the people that mind don't matter, and the people that matter don't mind."
- dr. suess
a friend once told me she didn't know how i put myself out there because of the various bullshit situations i've been tangled in these past five years. you know how at the end of lain, lain realized she was no good in the real world and left it behind to become a spiritual entity watching over everyone? that's how i felt too. for the longest time, i felt like i wasn't really living my life and was simply witnessing people live theirs. i didn't want fear or shame or apathy to hold me back anymore. and you know what! everything paid off. even the nightmarish experiences aside, it was all worth it. in short, genuine human connection make monkey brain happy, the only problem is discerning which ones are genuine. i really want a peach now. oh actually, we still have a mango in the fridge! i hope it's still good so i can peel it and slice it... my mouth is watering at the thought.
july is the birthday month for me. no joke, there are twelve of them on my calendar. i don't celebrate all of them but i at least like to tell everyone happy birthday. today i have TWO birthdays!! but one's gift is stuck in transit and the other is international... i hope that my gifts to them arrive safely eventually. it's also my first day back at work in a few days and my first day taking the bus again after i got jumped by those teenagers who thought i stole my own package.
my coworker is leaving out of state next month after five years of working here so they prioritized giving her hours. even though it's less money, i really loved my days off... i feel like i got a lot done but also nothing at the same time. as usual, work was dirty when i came in. i swear no one vacuums, mops, dusts, restocks the fridge, or wipes the windows except for me. oh, and i finally learned where the basement is so i could go and pick up our packages. every time i would just barely escape going, for like an entire year lmao. it smells like shit down there and i'm not looking forward to going down there alone.
the moon looked really gorgeous on my bike ride last night, it was glowing white even through the passing clouds. it reminded me of that magical night a long time ago in my childhood backyard where the moonlight was so bright that i was able to see everything clearly. i still pass by that house on my bus route and i wonder how everything inside looks now. the garage got knocked down so the backyard looks naked.
i'm really glad i decided to ride my bike regularly, it helps so much with my mental health and with my recovery. i know i've dealt with depression for most of my life but i especially feel like my nearly two years of chronic pain took so much from me and all i can do is mourn for my lost youth and move on.
anyway, speaking of health, i want to lose a little bit of weight. my current measurements are 86-72-94 and i want to slim down just enough to fit into my current lolita better and wear unshirred pieces, so ideally i want to lose 4 cm from both my bust and my waist (don't care about my weight number or my hip measurement, all the women in my family have big legs and hips lol). honestly i would be fine with my body if i wasn't into j-fashion but the clothes can be unforgiving, especially in the shoulders! i'm so glad plus-sized girls have so many more options now compared to back in the day. pocchari-chans want to be cute too...
one of my comm friends is pushing me to model for the con fashion show. i'd love to!! except i'm tabling this year and i think it would be too much to juggle hahaha. last year i didn't apply to be a model either because my favorite vtubers had a meet and greet and i prioritized them. i almost applied just to see if i could get in... but then i felt wrong for applying when i knew in my heart i wouldn't be able to do it, so i didn't apply after all.
in addition to that con, i'm also doing a small show this weekend!! it's pokémon related and we're required to make up an activity for the guests so i'm going to make a pin the tail on the pikachu game on my ipad. i feel so unprepared... i haven't gotten into any shows for a year so my stock is diminished, i have no new products, and i desperately need to update my setup so that it looks more professional. i recently ordered new address labels and business cards so that's a start at least. it's funny, i remember looking at my labels from my last order and thinking "i bet we are going to have to move before i finish this pack of labels" and i was right! i have about 3 full sheets of labels i can't use anymore, oh well. i love my new home so much that i don't even care.
i keep remembering the saying "just make it exist first. you can make it good later." and it helps me a lot. perfectionism is such a plague on your mind and your life and you'll come out with nothing to show for it if you don't even start whatever it is your heart wants you to create. i regret letting it hold me back for so long and letting my brain trick me into thinking i couldn't do all of the things i've somehow managed to do now.
my little bloggy is finally live! there's so much i want to write about... and yet as i sit here, my mind is completely blank. i think it was the workload of making it. even though it's incredibly simple, i wasted my whole day building this site and some of its assets. i'm just glad it exists now. on my main site i feel like i'm very formal (people in general tell me i'm too formal when i write...) but here i can be candid and not worry about proper formatting and such. as usual, it's pink. i can't help it, i just really love pink...
