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of course the cool weather didn't last long, we're already back to the mid 80s. the heat woke me up, so i got up to turn on the air and decided to finish a drawing i was working on... when i realized my apple pencil wasn't in my bag! i last used it on my way home when i was drawing on the bus and i do remember slipping it back in my bag, but it must have fallen out sometime in between then and my walk home. it probably went unnoticed by me because of the added bulk of my cardigan stuffed into my bag since it was too hot to wear it. i'm really bummed out... those things are expensive. because my ipad case doesn't have a place for the pencil, i always had this worry i was going to lose my pencil, and it's finally come true. i knew better. i really should keep all of my daily pens in a single pouch instead of in various pockets of my bag.
my grandpa also had some bad luck... he's saving up money for his car's insurance and registration renewal next month, and he forgot his wallet at the store. to no surprise, by the time he got it back, the money was all gone. i told him not to worry and that i would help him out, but it was such bad timing when i had just booked a flight to see my friend in boston next month, and my hours got cut at work. i'm excited for that of course! i'm just wondering if it was irresponsible of me to decide to go after all...
at least i got lucky in the gacha department i suppose. one of my favorite cards for xavier got a rerun, so i begrudgingly pulled... and got him in a couple of tries! it really made up for having to spend so much to get his 2024 birthday card. they had mercy on me. the same day, i found the lucky star in my pack of apollo chocolate!! it must have been a sign. plus, a recreation of one of the newer chiikawa pages. string cheese!!
it's funny, the other day i saw an ad for miniso and thought of asking a friend if she wanted to go, but i didn't want to "bother" her. we must have been on the same wavelength, because she asked me not long after! i dressed up a little bit and we went on our way. sadly, almost all the chiikawa stuff was gone! the front was replaced with their new mofusand collection which i will definitely not complain about, but i was hoping to get another chiikawa blind box. as much as i wanted a plush (who can resist how adorable they are?!), i really do have enough stuffed animals at home. instead i got myself a mofusand card holder for those nights my regular wallet is too bulky to carry, some socks and a pack of stickers.
after we finished shopping, we went to meet up with a big group of friends for hookah, but not before getting a delicious korean corn dog just next door. i haven't done hookah in geez, maybe 5 years now? it was nice! we just sat around chatting and we decorated cards and keychains too. here's what i wore that day!
something else i'm looking forward to is getting to see angel's egg in a couple of days!! it's getting a theatrical release for the first time in the us, but only for one day. i never thought this day would come honestly, but i'm glad for it. i don't know if my company is going to like the movie considering how experimental it is, but i think the gorgeous animation and atmosphere will make up for it. the fact that they used up all the movie's dialogue for the trailer still tickles me.
the christmas tree right next to my work is up again! i waited excitedly as they spent a whole shift of mine setting it up. by the time i left for work, i thought they weren't done with the tree, but they actually were?! it's so different from last year's tree, i had to do a double take and go through my pictures to find the one they set up the year prior. it's a little sad! at least three people told me the comparison is so stark and a recession indicator, lmao. but the colors are nice and matching, and i love the ribbons and giant bells. maybe they needed a skinny legend tree because it's less obstructive? that's my theory anyway.
it's finally cool this week!! we still had days in the 90s, but today it's cold enough to wear layers. i'm actually waiting for the soup i'm making for my grandpa and i (caldo de res) to boil, so i figured i'd write a quick entry while that keeps cooking. i woke up early to walk to the store to buy the ingredients and a new pot since we lost ours in the move.
yesterday was my first day off in a few days, and i was so tired that i did... absolutely nothing!! i spent most of my day in bed sleeping and playing love and deepspace, but i still went out to ride my bike of course. quite recently i hit 100 affinity with xavier!!
now i'm working sylus up there too, it's a little harder considering xavier just plain has way more cards than he does. sylus seems to like me way more even though he got demoted to #2! i always seem to get his cards easily, while xavier always plays hard to get... it took me about 70 pulls to get both dragon myth cards and i just got a new 5 star of him last night too. i had been stockpiling these cards for a while, so i finally read them all last night, and they were great! ahh, i love tough guys who are soft for their girl... xavier may be my favorite, but there's no denying how sexy sylus is, lmao.
i can't believe akira yamaoka is coming back to my state!!! i haven't gotten my tickets quite just yet, but i'll be sure to snag them once i have the opportunity. i already requested the day off and am really looking forward to early march!! i guess mary elizabeth mcglynn won't be joining him? i know i'll enjoy myself either way... i still remember the way i watched them preform together at the silent hill concert, it was so sweet and intimate. it was the kind of performance that you'd only see between such close friends who have known each other a long time. it makes me feel a little better about finding out kirby air riders is only on switch 2... i don't want to spend so much money on an upgrade when i barely have time to play games as it is.
the other day at work, someone left this little unicorn on top of the register!! it must have been a good sign... i took her home and now she's sitting on top of my computer desk, next to the frame of iris my friend drew for me. she's sooo cute, but she doesn't have a tail! i'll have to sculpt her one. plus, bean is home! i hadn't seen her in nearly two weeks, or at least it felt like that long! i asked her, "bean, do you even remember me?" to which she promptly meowed back and didn't feel shy about taking my bed or my chair once more. she's such a diva!
today, i'm working on my new splash and also plan on working on my shelves and unpacking some more. isn't it crazy how long we've already lived here, yet i haven't fully decorated? my friends and i planned a friendsgiving together on the 23rd, so i really need to get it in gear and clean and decorate. my mom was so excited when i told her i was having friends over that she offered to help me too~
happy pocky day, by the way!! i picked up a box of strawberry pocky earlier while i was at the store (they were playing depeche mode! i feel like they actually play good music in the mornings), which i've opened already and have been sharing with travis plush, heheh.
i can finally feel myself emerging from the abyss. october went by so fast that i feel like i didn't even really get to enjoy it fully, but those concerts i went to really salvaged my month and helped me break out of my funk. since i only wrote one entry for october, i won't bother to make a separate page. so here's what i've been up to in those rare moments the clouds in my head cleared up!
let's see... in october, we went to the new teso that opened up in our city, i started and completed inktober for the first time since 2017 (and actually did 31 drawings this time!), finished silent hill f (i have mixed feelings about it... i'll write more about it later when i get my main site back up and running), went to a couple of concerts, had a steak lunch with my mom, went to see paranorman again in theaters (i cried! i don't remember crying when we saw it the first time), saw the chainsaw man movie, finished two big commissions, celebrated xavier's birthday, managed to get sylus' dragon companion, failed my 13 new horror movies in 31 days challenge two years in a row (i only had time to watch 4...), and finally got to wear long sleeves again! all of this in between work, since october is our busiest month.
actually, speaking of work, there's good news. my assistant manager had a long talk with our boss about all of the unwanted changes that have been happening at work, many of which my boss wasn't aware of and left her quite shocked. things have cleared up now, so she's staying! it takes off a lot of pressure from me too. i stay here for two reasons: for how much drawing i can get away with on the clock, and her. my career prospects are pretty much zero, so i'm just glad i don't have to scramble and find a new job right away. i hate working...
i celebrated xavier's birthday in two parts: first, we went out for braised pork because i was craving it! it was so tender and juicy, like a meat cake... i'm drooling just thinking about it. i had to work on the day of xavier's actual birthday, but i bought a slice of crepe cake to share with him before my shift started. it was really good! ahhh, sweet xavier... he really is so beautiful. that cosmic gaze of his had me shelling out an embarrassing amount of money to pull his 2024 card (i lost my 50/50 to zayne... i was so upset i actually said "FUCK YOU ZAYNE" out loud, lmao) and you know what? it was worth it. it's crazy how much of a sleeper hit xavier has been with me, i never would have guessed i would come to adore him this much. every piece of merch i have of him was a gift too, thank you very very much everyone who has gifted me a little piece of my sleepy little star!!
i was in a rush, so i couldn't include every piece of merch i have, but i treasure all of them greatly. man, was it killer to have sylus' myth rerun immediately after!! i was banking on the rerun happening next month, but there was no mercy for me... but randomly one day when i had only one half of the pair, i thought "i'm feeling lucky today" and bought one last pack. and i got him!! no more spending now!! i'm saving up all of my diamonds for sylus' 3rd myth and for the cat butler rerun.
i've been struggling to keep in touch with friends lately and feel perpetually burnt out, so i've just been focusing on myself a bit more. i'm sorry everyone... especially to those i haven't contacted for probably a month now. i love my friends, but i love solitude too. i think it's good for the soul, good for people in general to learn to enjoy their own company so they're not afraid of going out and doing things alone. no one to join me except my teddy bears? no problem!
oh yes, live report! so i went to two concerts this month: lebanon hanover and lamp! the minute i saw lebanon hanover was coming to my city, i knew i had to go right away. and they were wonderful!! they even played my favorite song, which was really surprising! thank you to my friend who kept me company and chatted with me before the show started too! it cheered me up so much, it really made me regret not being able to get out of bed to go see melvins earlier last month. i would have liked to dance harder, but there's only so much moving you can do in a crowd. i'm glad i got a souvenir shirt too!
i was torn over getting a long sleeve or the sadness is rebellion shirt, but i love how subtle the long sleeve is. after the concert, i bumped into my coworker!! she usually has work, but her tour got cancelled, so she got to go see the show. it would have been nice to go drinking with her, but my ride was already on his way... not to mention, i was opening the next day at work anyway!
the second concert i went to was lamp, on halloween! since i was going to be alone for halloween i decided to go, but luckily two of my comm friends were planning on going too (if you're reading this m, hiii). i worked in the morning, so i went to work in lolita and just decided to spend the whole day downtown near the venue. after work, m and i went to get dinner at a just ok british pub (the highlight of visiting it was definitely the guy dressed as ozzy who said i was cute... i'll excuse your touch only because you're dressed as him!!), but at least we had some delicious gelato after!
we met up with our third friend right as the doors started to open. shoutout to the one guy dressed as a lamp for halloween! there was a light in there and everything. i should have gotten a picture, because there's no way the venue staff didn't make him take it off to get in. the music may not have been very halloween-y, but i'm happy to see how many people still dressed up. i had such a great time, the music was amazing and lamp were adorably awkward in between songs. the concert ended right before the final bus passed by, so i'm grateful my friends for waited with me at my stop until i got on. there's always someone crazy there at night, and we definitely had a weirdo heckling us...
i wore sweet monster castle to the concert! m and i both wore the classic antique beast headdress, so we were matching. the weirdest thing happened when i was walking back through h&m to meet my friend... not one, but TWO people asked if i was a staff member. what the hell?? i was in two completely different spots both times too. must have been the curse that witch angrily put on me for saying we don't do witchcraft at my work. bonus, our food at the pub! the buffalo cauliflower smelled so strong that it made our eyes water. m's cashapp payment to me had a note of "mid pie" hahaha.
when i look back on it, i really did draw a lot last month. in addition to inktober, i also finished two major commissions: one was a pngtuber for a longtime client of mine. he says i'm his favorite artist, which is really sweet! i actually designed my own vtuber and plan to pursue streaming myself when i can finally afford a new computer, so it was good practice for the future! i feel a little dizzy and overwhelmed when i think about having to learn live2d and all of the logistics of streaming and putting myself out there in addition to just how saturated it is now, but it's something i really, really want to try out...
the second commission was for a comm friend of mine! she wanted a family portrait of her, her husband, and her doggies by their anniversary date and i made it with just a few days to spare! to prepare, i bought a lightpad which is a huge, huuuge game changer for me. i can't wait to make more traditional art like this! not only was the process very satisfying, but i learned a lot too and felt very fulfilled. if only i could get this kind of work stream in more often... it's a lot of work, but the kind i actually enjoy once i get the ball rolling.
breakfast, plus my workspace!! i rarely ever make a whole spread like this, but i wanted to fuel up before working on my friend's commission. i've been making migas a lot lately since my grandpa loves it especially. paired with apple cinnamon oatmeal and some hot barley tea. delicious! and my workspace... what a mess! it would be nice to have space for an actual work desk for art, but country girls make do.
actually, my mom nagged my sister again. my sister is hardly ever home! she'll pop in, only to be gone again within a couple of hours. she'll be gone for days on end, and even bear will leave for his work trip and come back home before she does. i think she's been spending most of her time with her new boyfriend. i know she's young, and i just want her to have fun and live her life... but it feels so strange to live in this big house when it's just me and grandpa 90% of the time. anyway, she usually writes off my mom's nagging but this time she said she was really considering switching rooms with me since she has the biggest one. i'd love that of course, but i'd love it more if you were home more often!
we saw the chainsaw man movie twice!! the first time there was absolutely no one in the theater besides us, which was cool! although it was a bit spooky to see a staff member randomly come in and tell me to put my feet down since i sit cross-legged on chairs. i wonder if theaters are equipped with cameras? i don't see why not... the second time was just last night! one of my comm friends wanted to see it, so i agreed to see it again with her. as fate would have it, two of our friends were going to the same theater for the g-dragon movie! so i was able to hang out, and also give my friend her commission. it was so much fun, and i really want to try to be more proactive and invite friends out to events. anyway, i loved the movie!! iris out is totally stuck in my head.
it's funny, we went so long without going to the theater, and then suddenly we went every week. in addition to paranorman, and chainsaw man x2, we also saw gdt's frankenstein!! it has a super limited release in theaters, so i knew i had to take the opportunity to go. i'm a big gdt fan and pan's labyrinth is my favorite movie along with beetlejuice, so i know i'll love anything he crafts. and it was wonderful!!! the movie is nearly 3 hours long, but i was entirely engaged the whole time. thank you netflix for funding his works, especially pinocchio. to quote someone else who just gets it, "gdt is just a weird girl making movies for other weird girls. i will not elaborate". i can't wait for pan's labyrinth's re-release in theaters next year! 20 years old already... sheesh. rule of rose will be 20 next year too.
the new katamari game coming out took me by surprise! i haven't had time to play it this week, but i want to get back to it soon... my joycons are in such terrible condition after all that splatoon i used to play. i should probably get some caps for my next pair. anyway, i really love the new game!! it's challenging, but in a fun way. i'm also glad they changed the controls because the charge and roll is harder to do on the switch, though i keep quick turning around on accident so maybe it's a little too sensitive?
i love that you can play as young king!! so cute. where are you, ichigo? i'm coming to find you! i actually found out it released by seeing a friend about to stream it on her instagram story. i immediately closed up at work and ran to gamestop to pick it up, only to find out that the physical version didn't release until the next day! i guess it's becoming more common for digital versions of games to release early, but i'll still pick a physical copy nearly every time.
what else... oh yes, i'm still dabbling in discovering new music, as always. i thought i would prefer black metal to death metal since i already like early black metal bands, but there's a lot of unsavory subgenres i can't deal with. just being edgy for the sake of it. i dabbled in dsbm (it's very hit or miss), finally got to listening to obituary (i love them!), but i also have been listening to a lot of punk and am dabbling in psychobilly music too. it was the season for horror punk anyway! i found out there's a live psychobilly night in my area too, even run by my coworker's boyfriend! so i'm hoping to make it out to one of those sometime. i love music!! i wish i had time to listen to everything, there's so much good stuff out there waiting to be discovered.
it's been 9 years without my grandma now. not a day goes by that i don't think of her. i didn't get to make an altar, but i bought some pan de muerto and left her one as an offering. the store wasn't selling fresh marigolds either, which was incredibly disappointing to find out after making the trip there, especially since they also didn't have a funnel so i could transfer her ashes into her new urn... i bought some fake marigolds and some discount halloween chocolate and went on my way.
ah, i'm full blown depressed again. i requested today off so i could take that screen printing class, but i don't have it in me to go. at least i didn't formally sign up and pay, and they have it every month so i'll have another opportunity. for a long time i've suspected i have persistent depressive disorder/dysthymia considering my symptoms first began before i even graduated elementary school, and now is one of those "double depression" times. it'll pass, it always does. i'm doing my best to still take care of myself and the household but everything feels really pointless right now, even drawing. i still do it anyway because not drawing feels worse. i don't want to whine about all the reasons that are contributing to my poor mood, so i'm just going to ramble about random stuff instead.
silent hill f was rough last night... of course i prefer some combat over none in horror games, but it's gotten to the point of being unfun and infuriating instead of scary. finding out that you have to play through the game twice to get the full story has dulled my interest quite a bit too. fuck this, we're going with story mode the next run. i'm not confident i could have played this on my own with how many enemies are thrown at you later in the game, and i'm not even going to comment on the story yet... i'll blab about it more when i get my main site back up and finish the game. one of my friends said that the fox guy doesn't belong in a silent hill game but in love and deepspace and i agree with her so much, lmao.
yesterday afternoon i finally started working on rearranging my figure shelves! i started with my magical girl shelf. everyone's sweet and smiling faces made me smile too and warmed my heart... but of course, progress came to a screeching halt because i was missing some pieces. i found the cat ears to my kitty sakura nendo, but i couldn't find the backdrop to my clear card figure even though i looked everywhere i could think of. i'm trying not to let it bother me enough into giving up on my shelves again, because i really did miss decorating and playing with my toys. i just haven't felt in the mood.
it's a good thing i have no desire to expand my figure collection anymore because i can't even maintain what i have now. i really need to take better care of my figures... there's been a couple of times i've accidentally lost or broke parts because i was too careless. we didn't have a lot of time to move, so i kind of threw everything in bags and boxes haphazardly instead of organizing properly. honestly, i think my room would have been decorated by now if it weren't for a certain someone taking up my free time when i was moving and settling in. if you know, you know.
there's a lot of events this month. the ballet giselle is going to be in my city and my coworker was even kind enough to switch shifts with me so i could go... but then i found out that tickets are $140 at minimum. i'm still a bit gutted over it. i just can't justify the price, but melvins are playing that night too so i was thinking i could go to that concert instead since it's much more affordable. then there's lebanon hanover later this month which i'm excited to see, and unfortunately i'll be alone on halloween.... but there's a concert i can go to on that night too so i'm considering it since i don't want to spend halloween night alone at home. i'm still sad i can't afford giselle or mcr tickets, but there's a much more affordable ballet i can see next month at least. i'm hoping to make it a lolita meet, but i wouldn't be surprised if no one comes with me. the tickets may be way more affordable, but they're still pricey!
as cheesy as it sounds, metal has been a good outlet for me lately. a while back i found this really cute site called map of metal that maps out the history of metal as well as genres with some song examples. i've always loved classic metal but i want to branch out and discover which sub genres i like and don't like. i already know i enjoy doom and sludge metal, and i like thrash a lot too (but i'm not a metallica fan shhh). most recently, i've been dabbling in funeral doom metal. it's dark, slow, and hopeless... it's perfect.
